You know - it's kind of funny how I might start writing a blog at 10:00 PM, finish it by 11, and wait until 12:01 AM to post it so it shows up on the "right" day. Lately I've been writing that day's entry the night before, so technically, I wrote both Wednesday's and Thursday's blog on the same day, not that that has anything to do with anything.

I finished building the new cat scratching post with our daughter. So far, they've generally ignored it, as they are being ungrateful bastards. Perhaps they don't know what it's for or something. It tends to lean a bit, so I put it in the corner. Truthfully, there's not a place that's just 100% perfect, so I just have to hope for the best.

A couple of more things from last night, I guess. After last night I likely need to add that I sometimes tried to use my daughter as leverage in arguments when I wanted to get my way and didn't have a leg to stand on, or to pretend I had the moral high ground because I was a single father, which tends to be a fairly sympathetic character until you've proven that you're just using it to get your way.

As far as my own mom goes, I really only have one gripe, and that would most likely be that I felt that, in retrospect, I was coddled a bit too much, and wasn't told "no" enough. In retrospect, I might could have used a firmer hand and not gotten my way through whining quite so much, and be told "tough - suck it up and deal with it" a bit more often. I think I had a higher opinion of myself than was necessary or appropriate, and if I was caught in a lie than a swifter, more severe punishment would have ultimately been appreciated, though not until much, much later in life. I also picked up being pretty damn judgemental somewhere along that way, but I'm not entirely sure what the root of that specific problem really was. I suppose the only other things was that we never really talked about feelings or much of anything at a heart level, except for a time or two, but I think more than anything else that's a generational thing. I think most folks my parents age weren't brought up to discuss their feelings; I think they were largely brought up to be quiet, do what they were told, and do what they had to do to survive. I think there's something to say for their generation - perhaps they were/are a bit tougher than mine.

At any rate, the only reason I say any of this was because my Mom asked. I don't think it's anything I haven't already said before. I think, at the risk of sounding prideful (which I assure isn't my intent) they did a pretty fine job of raising me. I think just about all parents do the best they can with what they have and with what they know, and with what they believe is right. My Mom and Dad were no exception, and I have nothing but the highest regard for both of them, both as parents ans as people. I don't guess I say that enough, and I should. The last thing I would ever want is for them to be gone one day without me telling them how much I love them, still love them , and how smart I think they both are, and what great job they did as parents, and how much I miss them and how I think about them both everyday, and about how I've learned way more from them than they'll ever realize.

So to answer your question, Mom - you did great. Tell Dad he did great, too.

For what it's worth - and I say this because I know you and I know you've wondered this - I would have ended up in the same fix(es) no matter what you guys or anybody else did, because they were of my own doing, and nobody's fault but mine. Don't worry about that for a second. I know as parents, you try your best, and hope some of the good stuff you did right sticks, and I can say that I wouldn't have been able to pull do my share of the work that pulling myself out of everything I did wouldn't have happened without you guys, and had I not learned what I did from you guys, and without leaning on God for His guidance, healing and support. and rest assured - I learned a lot of those things from you guys. So really, I think most of anything good about me I learned from you guys. For whatever it's worth, I think you can feel pretty good about that, and I hope you do. I'm proud of you both.

Heh - look at me ending up someplace I didn't expect again. I'm glad I did, though.

You know what? I don't want to diminish what I said here with more mindless words, so I'm going to end here.

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