Question.....

Do you think that when we die God will tell us what His plan was for us while we were here on earth?

For example, will  God say something like "Hey - I created you to be _________ or do _________ - I'm sorry you misunderstood the plan."

Do any of us get the plan right, or at least kind of right before we lose our opportunity to execute the plan like we were supposed to? I think maybe pastors do, but only the ones who do it for real.

I'd like to find out someday what I was supposed to be doing all along, even if after it's too late, because at least then I'll know. At the moment, I feel fairly clueless about it, and don't know what direction to go in, except mostly forward.

It that it? We just go forward?

a day late already!

I really didn't know what I was gonna write about, so I'm just gonna start at the top.

Toni is off with a friend shopping for Halloween stuff for her friend's house. I'm glad she's out doing something. There's one of those  shows on TV about being in prison, which terrifies me. Prison seems like a terrible place to be. This one prison lets you adopt a cat, though - I guess it's a reward if you're good. I think I could do prison if I had a cat, but not without one. It's too bad you can't bring your own cat to prison - Oscar would fit right in.

I notice a lot of these guys in prison don't like to be accountable. They seem to re-direct any of their responsibility with questions, or denial, or explanations as to why they're the victims or they're innocent in all of this, at least with the "new kids", or recent inmates. The older guys seem to take it like pros. Some of them seem to be decent guys, and I hope they can get out and be productive citizens some day. They seem like they know they screwed up and like they don't want to do it again.

I guess what I really want to write about is how to respond when God doesn't give your way. I have a bad track record for responding like the Bible tells me to. I'll bet I hold a Top 10 position for Shaking Your Fist at the Sky. For a very long time I figured it was because either God was mad at me, or that I wasn't doing the right things, which means I wasn't doing the things I was taught in church well enough, or with enough faith, or enough conviction, or in the right way. In that way, I kind of figured I had brought it on myself in some way, or at least not prevented it from occurring.

See, I can't yet tell the difference between the divine will of God and stuff that just happens because of something I did. Truthfully, this makes it tricky to know who to be sore at - God or myself. Ideally, I wouldn't be sore at all, because I would either be holy enough to not get mad anymore or mature enough....or something. I've tried different churches and different pastors, and I still don't have any answers, at least not he ones I want, or not to my satisfaction. I get that I won't always get the answers, or get the answers I want, or can at least accept, and I know it's my own sense of entitlement that tells me I need my answers, or deserve them, or something. I do try to work on that, I promise.

Anyway, this week I watch a guy I consider to be doing all the right things and who seems to have a pretty tight relationship with God not get what he wanted. In a way, it helped ease some of my own angst about it. I helped build a case against God punishing me, or that I'm doing something wrong spiritually. I'm starting to believe that it might not be all that deep or existential, the not getting of things I wanted, and, is so frequently the case, I can look back and see that if I had gotten what I was asking for it might have been pretty terrible anyway.

Now, as an aside, this pretty spiritual guy looks like he didn't get the answer he wanted, but it looks like he got some divine intervention, because his answer seems to have changed after several hours.  I don't know what that means, if anything, and I really do hope he continues to get the answers that he wants - he's a good guy and deserves some good answers, and it's not like he's asking for anything bad, ya know?

But then - neither was I, so there's that, whatever that happens to be.

I don't know what point I'm trying to make anymore, if that helps any. I think I lost my own train of thought.

OK - to wrap up, I don't think God is punishing me, and sometimes bad crap happens to good people, and if bad crap can happen to him, and he's a good guy, then maybe it's OK if bad crap happens to me - 'cause maybe I'm a good guy, too.

As as aside to the spiritual guy who had the bad thing happen to him: Sorry to steal your bad thing and turn it into something good for myself, but it looks like some unexpected good stuff will came out of it, and hopefully you keep getting the answers YOU want.

Man - I'm rusty at this blogging thing. Thanks for reading anyway.

I shall resume my practice of closing with a funny picture.

OK - that's not the best picture, 'cause if you're reading this you're probably actually my friend. So...pretend it's another funny picture you saw from someplace else, and laugh with merriment. This cat thing might be played out anyway.

Hah - it still works.

It feels pretty good to be writing again.

I think this is something I do more for myself than anybody – I do it
because I want to, because it helps me work out (or at least on) my
own personal issues - thought I rarely seem to get any actual answers,
or at least answers I like. I suppose that makes me a writer for
selfish reasons, but I’m OK with that. Having spent a lot of time
doing things that were also purely selfish (but that hurt others, and
ultimately myself) I feel pretty good about this particular
indulgence. Hopefully Martin Luther would OK this one.

I haven’t done this for over a year. I think that might have been
necessary, and probably pretty healthy. But recently, I started
missing it again.  This actually came about because I wanted to show
my daughter the raccoon story again, and I couldn’t find it.

Somebody asked me once, if I could do anything, what would it be? I
was also asked this: what it something you will do regardless of
whether or not you get paid for it, regardless of whether or not
anybody supports you, or regardless of whether or not you have to go
it alone for the rest of your days?

There’s a few things, I guess.  I like skateboarding. I like
paintball. I like guns. I like playing my horn, even more so now that
my daughter is also playing too- and playing pretty well, at that.  I
like my wife, and I find my cat acceptable on most days, when he’s not
being overly selfish.  I also find our dog quite pleasant.

Anyway, I think what prompted me to start up again was re-reading some
of my old stuff.

A)       Some of it was quite funny. I like to make myself laugh, and
I like to make other laugh too, if I can. Heck – I’ll write to make
myself laugh any day.  I have a few of my favorites I’ll re-post to
entertain all, but mostly me. Or you, if you find it funny.

B)       Some of it was quite therapeutic, at least for me.

C)        Some f it was very, very dark. I like to think I’m in a
better place now- a bit more stable in (nearly) every regard, and I’d
like to articulate myself (even if nobody is listening) at this stage
in my life so that I can look back and see how far I’ve come.  Reading
back through some of those old entries, I was clearly quite broken up
about quite a few things, and I am pleased to report that the pain
from those things has faded substantially (if not altogether), God has
answered many of my pleas, and my future looks a hell of a lot
brighter now that it did even 18 months ago.

D)      I still have some of the same questions I had then – I haven’t
figured out the answers to ‘em, and it’s been 2-3 years. I’d like to
re-visit those, too. Maybe I’m starter now.

I do want to go back and write some then vs. now stuff – it ought to
be pretty compelling. I think a large part of will show how God is
faithful in healing our wounds, however grievous they may be. I want
to show that, to bring the glory to Him – because He was (and is) the
only one that can pull off that type of thing anyway, and He deserves
the credit, especially in light of how angry I was at Him, how I
cursed at Him , and how badly I acted before Him.  Fortunately, He’s a
big God, he loves me, and let’s face it – if a kitten (or, more
accurately, and earthworm, or a harmless bacteria) gets pissed off at
you you’re really not all that threatened by it.

I went through a phase wherein I thought Facebook had killed blogging,
and largely, it has, but if you’re blogging for anybody but yourself,
I figure you ought to have a group or people or become an expert on a
subject in which people actually seek knowledge. I am an expert in
very, very little (if anything at all), and odds are nobody will ever
come to me seeking answers. So, this leaves me to write for myself.
I’ll wager there might be a small handful of folks that read just for
kicks, and I’ll try not to disappoint. I’ll do my best to tell
stories, share my perspective, post anything insightful I might have
(these posts will be few and far between) but I’ll do my best to avoid
what I had for lunch, unless it’s funny. If I’m struggling with
anything I reserve the right to write about that, too, but I’m here to
tell you – I ain’t nowhere near in the pits I used to be in, man, and
that feels pretty good. I’ll elaborate more on that in my next post –
I think I have about five or six in the works already, so it ought to
be fun.

My goal is to write 4-5 times a week, or whenever something strikes me
as writeable.

I love you guys, and I missed you guys – all you guys. I’m looking
forward to picking this torch again and leading (myself, mostly) to
even brighter places.

I’ll lead off with this one. 

Chimpanzees are the Devil’s Monkey

 Dec 12, 2010

 

It didn't get posted in the time frame I meant it to, but I still
think it's very important to mention. I'd also like to mention that my
Mom got scout a stuffed chimpanzee-like monkey, and she promptly
murdered it. I am encouraging this, for reasons you shall soon
understand. Now, without further ado, here it is.

The Chimpanzee is the Devil's Monkey. I said it twice because it bears repeating.

You need to learn this fact. Bask in it. Let it shine upon your face,
because I can't stress this enough.

My brother was one of the opinion that if God allowed Satan to create
one thing, it would be cockroaches. Yea and verily I say unto you, it
would have been chimpanzees, for one simple reason: they kill people.

Biologically, chimps are the most like us humans, most notably on one
particular regard; they are capable of unspeakable evil.

And not just people, either. Babies. Human babies. yeah - I said it.
They kill babies, most notably in Africa. In fact, there's more than
one documented case of it, if you care to do the research. One chimp
had four infant kills to his credit before he was eventually killed
with 7.62 round through his wicked monkey melon.

Now - it's not just infants they attack, either. They attack humans,
too. In fact, there have been two recent incidents where the victims
were horribly, horribly disfigured. One chimp ("Travis") had to be
gunned down by the police, an option generally reserved for
psychotics, murderers and violent felons. Feel free to Google "chimp
attack" if you have any doubt.

Now, if that weren't bad enough, they generally opt to mangle their
victims first, by attacking their hands, face, and groin first before
eating them. Yep - I said eating them. Nom nom nom.

And if that weren't enough, chimps form 3-5 chimp units and attack -
and kill - other chimps. In my book, that's gang activity, man. How
would you like to be that single chimp out for a food run and find
yourself attacked by 4 other chimps who then proceed to eat your
hands, groin and face before killing you?

And in case you weren't already horrified enough, chimps also eat a
steady diet of  other monkeys.
That's right - they eat other monkeys like they were on the buffet at
Cici's. Chimpanzees eat a lot of monkeys, man. That's borderline
cannibalism, too, because interspecies cannibalism still counts,
unless you're a human and you eat a monkey - we're at the top of the
food chain so we get one free pass, and that's it. I still wouldn't
eat a chimpanzee, though. I'll bet they taste like hate and insanity.

Obviously, in Africa (as well as throughout the world), these chimps
have rights, and I know that there are several organizations dedicated
to studying and researching and learning all there is to know about
chimpanzees, and I acknowledge that their opinions are not only
profoundly more educated, but are as valid and likely more reasonable
than mine, and you should hear their arguments about chimps, too.

But I'm here to say that if these chimps roamed free in Texas, and
they appeared to engage in the same reprehensible activities they
indulge in in Africa, then I think that a lot of Texans might shoot
them. Texans, in general, don't tolerate baby-murdering, and are quick
to dispatch justice.

Knowing what I know now, if I ever see a wild, escaped or otherwise
active chimp anywhere near my cat, dog, wife or kid, I'm going to lay
my hands on my rifle real quick, because let's face it - chimps are
strong and a pistol just isn't going to do it.

I think that as a responsible society, we need to be made aware of and
be prepared for the threat of a chimp revolt; at least as prepared as
we are for the eventuality of the zombie apocalypse.

This is my real opinion, and I have have spoken.

 

 

Hah - that was fun. See you guys tomorrow!