Day 1000

Well, today is day 1000.

More than anything. I just want to say thank you.

Thank you, God. I want all glory to go to You, for without You I am nothing. It is by Your grace, your love and your boundless healing that I am free today. Your grace is sufficient for me, and You have truly set me free.

I want to thank my CR brothers: Jon, Terry, Keith, Bob, and the rest of the guys in the room for everything that you've done.

I want to thank my wife Toni, without whom I would have never made it. Thank you for your endless patience, encouragement, accountability, total acceptance, grace, and for never judging, condemning or giving up on me.

Thank you Brandon, Jenny, Mom and Dad for your listening, for tolerating the misguided abuse I heaped upon you, and for your endless love and support. Thank you Shara - despite the hard times, I will never forget everything you've done for me. Thank you Liz, Chuck, Matt, Bob and the rest of my Pathways family - without you I would have never been able to begin recovery. Thank you Darsey and Luke for standing by me and for your encouragement. Thank you Ann for your hours of professional support.

Thank you Brian, Christina, Nate, Kim,Kent, Cindy, Scott, Em, Pony, Petey, Kristi, Bonnye, Steve, Eric, Merrilee, Brent, Steven, Joanna and the rest of my blog family for your loyal support. Thanks to my Munkies, Killy, RayU & Truman.

If I forgot anybody, let me know - I don't want to leave anybody out, ya know?

I want all of you guys to share in my victory, because it belongs to all of us.

Day 1000

Lots of Things

Well, let's dive in. It's been about four days longer than I wanted it to be, and I haven't had the chance to really sit down and write.

I guess the first thing I'll write about is professional; I'm going to transition our little company back to my Dad. We're moving forward and on to other things. I have a few irons in the fire, and I'll keep you guys posted. So far, I may go back into customer service. Another option is nursing school, if I can find a place (hospital) to hire me and put me through school. Baylor & THR will both put you through. I was an EMT several year ago, and I liked that. There's always a demand for good nurses, too. Lots of choices, lots of options, lots of decisions to make, and lots of things to consider. Plus I might look good in scrubs.

Toni and I had our second wedding anniversary on the 18th. We celebrated two years of wedded bliss (also known as our toughest year so far) by sharing Long John Silver's and a free movie (Red, which, incidentally, is GREAT!) I don't know what the official second anniversary thing is - I think the first year is paper. Whatever it is, Toni deserves a lot better. I think I've only been able to give a glimpse of how rough it'[s really been. I think a lesser woman would have cracked, and I'm pretty sure that other marriages have failed under less stress than she has been put under. She's bent but never broken, and is one of the strongest people I know. It's only one of the many reasons I admire her; her patience, her faithfulness, her sense of humor, her ability to encourage me when things are down (this is particularly healing), her belief that things are going to get better, her willingness to pitch in and help with drudgery, her trust in me, the respect she shows me (even when I know I don't deserve it), her ability to de-escalate a conflict and her ability to refuse to fight when necessary, the faith she has in me - even when I don't have it in myself....these are some of the wonderful things about her. I can not think of anybody that's a better match for me, and there's nobody else that I've ever fit better with. We work as well as any two imperfect people can, and I can't think of anybody else that's a better partner to go through life through. It's been a rough second year, but i think if we can make it through that, we can make it through anything. here's to year three and beyond, Toni.

Since it's Halloween week, there have been several (theoretically) scary movies on TV. I've' decided that most of them are formulaic and stupid. Toni doesn't do scary movies - she's seen enough trauma, gore and conflict in real life and isn't interested in seeing any more. I try to view them (the good ones) from a more artistic point of view, but that generally renders 99% of them worthless. Still, it's an easy thing to have on TV (as background noise to ignore) while I'm blogging, so there. The one on now (Return to the House on Haunted Hill) is particularly asinine.

In an effort to get out of debt, I'm trying to sell off some of my more less-frequently-used things. I've already sold one (OK...my only) shotgun. I have a rifle I'm tying to sell as well, but only if I can recoup most of my investment. My Bronco is also going - I've dropped the price to just enough to pay off one of our credit cards. I'm putting it on Ebay Motors in a few days, as the craigslist ad hasn't generated the interest I want it to.

All these horror movies make me loathe to sell my rifle, though. The zombie ones, especially. I do like the thought at putting down a target at 100 yards instead of 20 - that's a good 240 extra feet of safety.

I was able to finally rationalize selling the shotgun when I actually took a moment to try to figure out the actual odds of needing a gun that would adequately defend against a gang of five, armed aggressive intruders. When I realized that I actually had more than one, I decided it was time to thin the herd. I NEED to get my Glock sent back to the factory for retrofitting, though....

On another topic, we're talking about getting a motorcycle for me if/when I get another job. Cheap to operate, cheap to finance, cheap to insure. More on that IF it happens. I have to confess going to vehicle that gets 80 mpg is pretty attractive after trying to fuel a vehicle that got 10 mpg. That massive engine in the Bronco sure is fun, but man - is it thirsty.

Fancy moses - I ate waaaaaaay too much today. Toni and started eating pigs in blankets, which (in our case) are all beef hot dogs cooked in croissant rolls. (cook the dogs first - you'll be glad you did!) Oh, man - they are delicious. So much so that I ate four of them for lunch. Then we went to Pizza Inn for dinner, where I overdid it. I'm going to pay dearly for this tomorrow.

Today, my parents had a plumber come in and fix their shower. As the guy was leaving, we had a chance to talk a bit. Two months ago, he lost his wife of 19 years to a heart condition. I think he's still in shock from it, and I'm not sure if he's adequately grieved for her. I know how he feels - wanting to fill that hole so badly it's all you can do to not crumple into a heap. Either way, he's carrying around a lot of pain, so if you guys get a moment, pray for the guy, willya? I know he'd appreciate it.

Ok - that's it for tonight. Lots to do tomorrow.

Hey - 999 for Thursday. I think I might make it.

Best $1 I've spent in a LONG time

Toni and I bought a bag of generic marshmallows from Wal-Mart yesterday. Oh. My. Goodness.

So good. we ate almost whole the bag overnight, and we polished it off for breakfast this morning. They were so soft, so delicious. so devoid of nutrition. But I haven't eaten a marshmallow in months, so I'm OK with it.

I need to impress upon you how good these marshmallows were. They were the best ones I've ever had, and I need you to know that. It's pretty important that I convey this clearly. They were really good.

On a different note, I bought some $1 sunglasses at the dollar store, which I'm developing an affinity for. the box advised me that they were HD sunglasses, and that they were European styling. All I know is they look like ladies sunglasses and they scratch my nose, but for $1 they're not bad. I am concerned that I have questionable dignity and fashion sense, however.

Additionally, Halloween is fast approaching.

A) What are you cats doing? Anything interesting?

B) I have a Halloween party on the 30th that we're going to. It's restricted costuming (nothing gory, scary, provocative, etc) so I'm at a loss initially. So far, I'm thinking:

1- Robert Neville (I am Legend) = black leather jacket, M4 (safed) and a dog (Scout)

2- Blue Man Group = shave my head, 'stache & goatee & paint it all blue. Oh - and wear all black as well.

3- Cowboy = well, cowboy clothes & a (safed) Colt 1875. I'll need to make a holster, but that shouldn't be hard or expensive. I think it'd be really cool to be Gus McCrae, but I can't pull it off. I'd also like a Mexican serape, too - maybe I could the Man with No Name from the Ennio Morricone Westerns.

I have to confess I'm pretty happy about the costume restriction- my sobriety gets pretty tough to maintain around Halloween sometimes, as there are a lot of pretty gals that like to flaunt it on this particular season, and I have to be really careful where I go.

Ok - I think that's it for tonight. I have my Official 2nd Anniversary Blog to write tomorrow, and I don't want it shared with marshmallows.

993 for Friday

You guys ever have one of those nights when it's all going OK (not great, but OK) and WHAM - it just falls apart on you?

And now I want to be a jerk. I want to be bad and selfish, and it's an added frustration that it's been so long that I was really bad and really selfish I'm not even good at it anymore, at least not good enough at it to not get caught, which I suppose is better for everybody anyway. I'm good and mad, and as much as I want to be mad I can feel it wearing off faster than I want it to, because I want to be mad. And bad.

I want to go into every gory detail of what transpired here tonight, but suffice it to say I can't, because that would be a jerk thing to do, and I don't want to be a jerk because then folks won't like me as much, and I simply can't have that. I have to be able to maintain my moral high ground because the view from my high horse is much nicer than the view from the ground. I just want to be a jerk and still have everybody like me. Can I just be a jerk tonight and pretend like nothing ever happened tomorrow? Am I a good enough BS artist to pull that off now?

I want to be an ass and have it be OK - if any of you guys could figure out a way to make that happen I'd sure appreciate it. I want to be a jerk and still be RIGHT, too, so if you guys could add that I'd appreciate that, too.

I guess I want to be a jerk and be bad out of anger, and some frustration, but mostly anger. I want to feel like it's revenge or at least something I can redirect back at somebody else - See how mad I was? Look at what YOU made me do! This is all your fault. Justify, justify, justify...and then play the victim, change the game, and get them before they get you. That works, right?

I'd sure like to act out - I really would, 'cause THAT would show 'em. THAT would show 'em how to treat me. Unfortunately, I can't even skate around the edges as well as I'd like to anymore, so even my little dirt has backfired on me - I can't find what I'm looking for, which I guess is good, but tonight just pisses me off because I can't get what I want, no matter how much it might hurt anybody else but me. Fortunately, I'm too mad to care at the moment.

So there you go. I want to be bad and angry and a jerk but tonight I lack the acumen, the means and the opportunity - though tonight I'd welcome all three. 'Cause I'm mad.

And I'm mad at everybody that either won't let me get what I want or is protecting me from myself, because doubtlessly when my head clears I'd regret any stupid decision I'd make. But hey - when you're mad, you just don't care, so tonight, not so much.

So there.

So because I can't figure out a way to be bad and/or a jerk, still be RIGHT, not get caught, not get in trouble, or even skirt around the edge of the hole to my own satisfaction, I'm going to take a shower and go to bed in anger, and be mad at everybody that I can extrapolate as having a hand in this in any way, including no way, especially if you aren't helping me do any of the aforementioned activities.

So blah. BLAH!

989, but I'm not happy about it, and I blame you.

And Yes - I know this is the equivalent of a tantrum. I get it. But it's about all I have the energy for.

This.

So tonight I came into the kitchen.

Our daughter has a friend over, and they've made a pretty good mess of the house. We're not going to be able to go to church tomorrow morning, because we had to choose between being able to take our kiddo home tomorrow night or go to church. We only have 65 miles of gas left before we run out, because we only have $17 to our name we have to choose between gas or food for the next few days. Needless to say, it's kind of bleak right now.

So tonight I come into the kitchen and my wife is sitting there with tears in her eyes, and when I ask her what's wrong, she says the following.

"Remember that movie 300? do you remember that part when Leonidas looks across and sees that he's totally surrounded by tens of thousands of enemies and has no place to go? He looks at his men and says "Spartans - prepare for Glory!" He doesn't back down, he doesn't hesitate - he tells them to prepare for glory. I know that as bad as it looks right now, I feel like that's what we need to do - we need to prepare for glory."

Do you guys ever have, in a single moment of brilliant clarity, a flash of why you married the person that you did? This - among many, many other reasons, attributes, desires, and connections - it's this; her deep, immoveable assertion that no matter how bad it gets....

....prepare for glory.

Well said, my queen.

988

substitutions

I substituted this picture for this one.


Let me tell you why.

Yes - at first glance, it's kind of funny, Har har. But then I put some thought into it and realized that there's a lot of ego and pride and arrogance behind the joke.

Let me tell you why, after a few minutes of thinking about it, I don't think it's funny anymore. Ashanta probably loves her Mom, and probably wants to spend more time with her. And hey - her Mom has a job, and one that's good enough for her kid to want to emulate. Her Mom's job is providing for her family, too, so Ashanta probably has a place to sleep and a roof over her head and food to eat because of her Mom's job, and Ashanta knows it. And guess what? All kids haven't developed the cynical "I'm too cool for this" attitude that infects so many adults, and God love Ashanta for still being able to find the value in her relationship with her Mom and acknowledging her admiration for her Mom instead of making fun of her Mom for working at Taco Bell.

Let's face it - the whole joke is a shot at anybody that's not working a white collar job, isn't it? I think it speaks volumes for the folks that find it hilarious - unfortunately, it said a lot about me for a while, too.

I'll confess that I've worked many a "Taco Bell" job, even very recently, and yeah - sometimes it's hard on the ego and the pride. But there's still value to be found in honest work, and I salute all you folks across the country who are doing it. You're braver than I am sometimes, and I have more respect for the guy working behind the counter at McDonalds than I do for the ass that laughs at him for doing it.

-> off my soapbox.

I substituted a pound of Earl Campbell's smoked sausage (cooked in mesquite BBQ sauce) for the brown rice. I regret nothing about this particular decision.

I substituted my own tastes and proclivities for black pepper for my wife's preference for food that's not as spicy as *I* like it, resulting in pinto beans that are hard for her to eat. I repent that decision, and I feel really badly about it. I know I've always had a tendency to liberally apply a layer of black pepper to everything I eat, regardless of who cooked it or how good it already is, but I need to respect that not everybody likes that.

I traded my current low-carb diet for several pieces of white bread to go with my BBQ sausage and pinto beans. I may regret that one tomorrow.

Oh - go Rangers, huh? Nice job on Game 5. Please throttle the Yankees accordingly.

Ok - that's it.

984

The past few days I've found myself discouraged, as one of my jobs isn't generating the income I need and the other isn't expanding as fast as I want it to. I know that's my problem, because I have an expectation that I'm seeking to achieve, and when I don't make it I get frustrated. Toni says that we're about where we're supposed to be, but I want to be about 6 months ahead right now.

I feel like I'm struggling with getting as many folks to see what *I* see, too; I think that's why (more than anything) I do Advocare - it's not about the money; it's really not. It's about helping people get healthy so that they can enjoy their lives more, feel better, feel more energetic, or lose weight so that can live longer or have a better quality of life. To me, the opportunity to have a real impact on somebody else's life in a real, tangible way - that's a positive impact - is more of a drive than the money. I mean, I feel more passionate about Advocare than I ever was about being a cop. Oftentimes, I have to force myself to shut up about it because I know a lot of folks get tired of hearing about it, even though I never tire of talking about it. I feel like everybody needs to know what I know, and feel as great as I feel. I mean, why wouldn't everybody want to feel this way?

But back to feeling discouraged - I'm together enough to admit it. I'm not going to stay discouraged, but I'll admit I wish I was making more money a lot faster. I guess I just needed to hear myself say it. Admitting it's where I am is the first step to defeating it, and tomorrow I'm gonna go out and continue to share the vision, man.

I goofed up today & called our dog by my ex-girlfriend's dog's name. I knew I was going to do it eventually, but I'm glad I got it out of the way. I've been obsessing about not doing it since we got Scout. It's sort of like that episode of "Friends" where Ross mistakenly calls Emily (his fiancee) "Rachel" on their wedding day. Ever since I saw that episode that's been a terror of mine. When I got married to my first wife, I was terrified I was going to call her by the wrong name during the ceremony; ditto Toni. I know it's silly & irrational, but it's something that's always followed me around. Any of you guys every drop the wrong name at an inconvenient moment? I've never done it in the throes of passion or anything, but I've done it in other stressful circumstances. It never helps.

Toni and I are looking at another set of housing options, just to check it out. More on that if anything develops. If.

I've been debating selling a few things to get some extra money. I'm willing to do it if it'll be of any real long-term benefit, but if it's only a temporary fix and I'm going to find myself in the same situation in another month I'm not sure if I can justify it. I'm not interested in losing stuff for nothing; I lost a good SKS, a great Mini-14 and a pretty decent Charles Daly .45 that way, no to mention my Phantom.

On that note, we were recently told that there's a difference between being broke and being poor. Being broke is a temporary situation, being poor is a permanent mindset. Now, I'll cop to saying that we're poor for a very long time, but I'm breaking that curse and speaking out against that poverty. We are not poor - we are blessed, fortunate and free. We're also broke, but we're not poor, and we won't be broke forever. I don't think that God has it in store for us to be poor. Also, since 1988, even if I was poor, I don't have to be poor anymore. (Jeeeeeeeeeesus is here.)

See it here:

On a wildly different subject, there's a commercial on TV for toilet paper where a little red bear has bits & pieces of toilet paper stuck to his butt. That commercial horrifies me to no end. I don't like the idea of shreds of toilet paper on anybody's behind. Ewwwwwwwwww.....

AND...

they run a lot of these "get your criminal justice career started" at ________ college commercials. Those irritate me to no end - those are some seriously misleading ads, man. They show guys in unarmed security guard uniforms. I've done that, man - you're looking at slightly above minimum wage. And real law enforcement jobs require training that those colleges don't even offer. They're misleading, dishonest, and predatory. Not cool, generic colleges. Not cool.

To conclude, I have beans soaking on the stove for tomorrow, and a nice bag of brown rice. I can't imagine it tastes that different from regular white rice, and it's supposed to be better for you. I'll find out tomorrow, huh? I'm gonna mix 'em with some pinto beans for dinner - it's gonna be delicious. I hope.

Ok - that's it.

983 for Tuesday

Ooooo...to long a reponse for a comment

The real answer to the questions from the previous post is this:

If I can share food, I'll do it.
If I can help, I will.
Will I forage? Yes.
Will I forcibly rob? No.
Will I shoot somebody trying to feed their family? No.
Will I kill to protect what we need to keep my family alive? Yes.
Will I kill to defend my family? Yes.

The real question is this: will I stop being who I am now; will I stop adhering to the same mores I have now; will I choose to keep more core beliefs?

I had originally gone question by question and answered each one specifically, but at the end of the day it boils down to this: Am I going to continue to be Christlike and try to help everybody I can, even after the world goes to hell? Yeah - I am. I'm going to take care of myself so I an take care of my family, then others, to the best of my ability with what I have to offer. God can do more with a crust of bread then I can with a bakery. If God has removed Himself from the equation, then I have a whole new set of problems.

980

pray, prepare or perish?

So, in light of the 2012 world-ending issue, I have to admit I'm in kind of a quandary.

On one hand, I like to be prepared for stuff. However, if God chooses to end the world as we know it, I don't know that any amount of preparation is going to help. If you read the book of Revelation (or those Left Behind books) there's a lot of crazy stuff that kind of skirts the general preparation stuff. You can hoard all the rice, beans, water and ammo you want, but those flying armored screaming scorpions don't care how much stuff you have, or if you have an unsinkable boat, which I don't have. I'm also not convinced that fire being poured out and burning up the earth or the oceans turning to blood or four apocalyptic horsemen riding amok is something one can adequately prepare for.

Odds are, if God is coming back, your best bet is to make sure you & God are on really good terms. I think that when He brings his church home I'd like to go, ya know?

Now, the Bible also talks about some of the folks that get left behind, and that some of those cats will be operating under God's protection and will be unable to be harmed. Now, I have to admit that if my wife and daughter get all raptured up, I think it might be fun to run around down here and be under God's protection. Might it be a little like "I Am Legend", except more awesome?

I already have the gun and the dog.

So - how much preparing does one do?

Tornadoes, earthquakes, blackouts, hurricanes, civil unrest - as much as you can. If I had my way, I'd have enough food, water, medical supplies, candles, etc (remember the zombie contingency plan?) for my entire family for 40 days, but I don't have the budget. I'd also like about 15,000 rounds of ammo, too - just in case.

But my day-to-day life dictates that I don't spend the money on these things, as much as I'd like to. I have to spend my money on bills and getting out of debt, because I just don't foresee a disaster or event that's gonna require it. But man....does anyone really foresee that kind of thing?

9/11 caught us all (basically) by surprise. Odds are something like that is gonna happen again, but the Average Joe won't have the specifics.

Is the world going to end in 2012? A lot of folks seem to think so, or at least concede that a lot of big, bad and cataclysmic things are going to happen. are the going to happen? I have no idea, and I don't think anybody else does either - not for sure.

Something else I've wondered about, too - I know the Bible says that nobody knows when Christ will return, and I believe that.

BUT....

Is it possible that some folks might guess correctly? I don't know, man.

So, back to my original question: how much preparing does one do?

For the end of the world - maybe not a whole lot.

I think the best thing you can be prepare for that is to make sure that your heart and soul are ready - to me that seems to be more important than food, water and ammo.

979

Observations

I think that when you start direct sales you start to learn a lot about the folks you talk to. So far, I've learned that most folks don't want to try new things. Their reasons are varied, but very, very telling. If you think about it, it's a great window into their personalities. I had another analogy about direct sales & religion, but it might have been too much.

We cooked fried chicken tonight, which I haven't had in a while. Still good, though I fell asleep on the couch afterwards. I woke up in time to watch The Office and King of the Hill. We also found a box of some kind of Jello product. It's like flan, I think, and most of the directions were in Spanish. It's OK, but it would have been better with some Cool Whip.

OK - so it's election season, and I've gotten to the point where I thoroughly despise our existing governer, who is a Republican. Unfortunately, the only other option is a Democratic opponent, because the Republican party couldn't come up with a good candidate. I am very, very discouraged at this point. I know Texas withstood Ann Richards and came out OK. As long as Bill White doesn't revoke the CHL's, revoke the death penalty or jack up my taxes higher than they already are I'm actually thinking about voting for the guy. Rick Perry has just done too many things I found pretty reprehensible, and seems to be as dirty as they come. If any of your Houston readers have anything to share about his terms as mayor in Houston I'd love to hear 'em.

While I'm on this, I feel like the Republican party has abandoned it's conservative base. The real conservatives seem to be unable to get far along in the system to get elected - Alan Keyes is a perfect example. And I held my nose and voted for McCain and Obama got in, so I'm almost to the point of not voting if I can't find a candidate I like. And if the world is going to end in 2012 I'm not sure how much it matters anyway. The real question would be this - if they turn into a zombie, which one would be the easiest to kill?

They made a third "Jackass" movie. I giggle like a little kid every time I see the previews. I thinknI'm gonna try to talk Toni into watching the first one with me and see if she can tolerate it. I can hack about 80% of it, or at least I could in 2003.

I think I'd like another scooter and some pizza rolls.

OK - that's it. You guys be gentle.

978

I have to start out tonight's blog with the fascinating feudal system I encountered today while visiting my wife's grandmother in Red Oak. She lives right across the street from a vet I had the opportunity to frequent (briefly) whose diagnostic and medical skills I find questionable - it's a small world, huh?

Now, as a disclaimer, her grandmother is:

A) a popular drop-off location for abandoned animals, particularly cats, so get the crazy cat-lady notion out of your head.

Not Her.

B) for a woman possessing 14 cats, there is not a litterbox to be seen or smalled, and the house has no offensive odor whatsoever. Quite obviously, she's a miracle worker of some sort.

Kind of, but older.

Anyway, Toni's grandmother has approx. 14 cats, broken down into the following caste:

I. Barn Cats - these are outdoor cats that get food & basic medical care. Their primary job is vermin control. They are a hardy class of feline residing only in the barns located on the property. Estimated Number: 4

II. Porch Cats - these cats who may occupy either the back or the front porch area of the residence. They have an indoor porch area where they are provided with soft bedding, cat toys, food & water. They may also serve as the liaison between the Barn Cats and the 3rd and most important caste. Estimated Number: 4 (all four are littermates and cannot be separated.)

III. Inside Cats - these cats are allowed the run of the house and have complete access to any and all rooms & articles of furniture. Human comforts are secondary. These cats are provided with fancy hammocks, pillows and soft pallets to sleep on. They are sometimes (but not always) the older generation or surviviors of kittenhood trauma. They are adored, petted, fed canned food & are generally comfortable with strangers. There is a definite hierarchy - the Alpha Cat is unquestionably the Siamese/Tabby mix with cream and gray coat and blue eyes who spent most of the visit on Toni's lap, regardless of whether Toni wanted the cat there or not. Estimated Number: 6

Compared to the Pumpkin Syndicate - I found this terribly fascinating, though difficult to breathe through without a healthy supply of Kleenex nearby.

Today I also learned that:

A) There's a Survivalist Blog (occasionally read by a member of somebody's family that shall remain nameless) that says that there's some kind of sun-related event (solar flares or some kind of electromagnetic pulse or something) that's supposed to occur in 2012 that will render all computers useless, and that the only batteries that will survive will be the ones stored in old microwave ovens while the event occurs. I am not making this up, people.

B) Kwanzaa was started by the FBI so that they could keep an eye on black people. My wife said she heard it someplace but was unable to remember from where, so it must be true. My guess? The internet.

What else? We drove all day, man, but we got to see our daughter, who's in some kind of junior leadership program (I think) of some kind. I got to eat Pizza Inn (always glorious) and I got to give to give free, unsolicited advice to a lady looking at handguns at Cabelas (I recommended the Glock 19 9mm). I'm a bit dehydrated and my neck is slightly broken out, but that's my fault for not showering like I should (eewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.) If those are my chief complaints, aside from the giant crap Scout took on the floor this morning, life is going well.

Scout is trying to terrorize the cats, but they are collectively in a foul and cantankerous mood. Because of her 3rd Morning Poop incident, I remain unsympathetic, despite its unexpected and unprecedented nature.

Well, that's it.

977

I must confess - I blog a lot more when I don't have the kiddo. We've had her since noon on Friday & just dropped off at 6 tonight. We had a fun weekend, I think.

I have to admit that I've felt pretty good since last Tuesday night. I'm not getting all anxious about stuff that used to get me rattled. I haven't been driving around looking over my shoulder or with one eye always looking for trouble. I think that's been the biggest difference so far, or at least the most noticeable one.

Toni and I are going to take our kiddo to Disney next summer. A part of me is still afraid to write that for fear it won't come true, but instead of focusing on what can go wrong or on what might not happen, I'm (we're) choosing to focus on what can happen, and choosing to believe that will happen, and focusing our energy towards that goal, along with the goal of moving out. And getting out of debt.

Something else I wanted to share with you guys as well. Our plan is to find a piece of land that will support at least two houses, maybe three. Our plan includes building a small house (2/2) to move into initially, and then building the larger "dream" house afterwards. The reason we want to do this is so that we can have a house (or two) for others to live in. We want to be able to provide that shelter for others in the way that shelter has been provided for us, and there's been times when if we didn't have a place to go we'd have been in real trouble, and we wanted to return that favor.

Tonight I saw a commercial for we website that you can go to that'll tell who "who searched for you". I went to it, but the fact that you have to let it invade your privacy and get access to your Facebook account was enough to keep me from monkeying with it. Besides, I know who sort-of keeps tabs on me, and who doesn't. And I know who I search for, and it's gonna be no shock at all to any of them anyway. Let's face it - I have a lousy track record of not snooping.

On a related note, I recently found out that my wife is a talented and gifted internet snooper. I watched her snoop for info on a person several weeks ago, and I was shocked and very impressed at her ability to find what she was after. And man - she found out more than I could have ever possibly found. Learning what a gifted snoop she was is secondary to my first lesson, which is that anything you put on the internet is forever, man. Say it with me.

For.
Ev.
Ver.

I am in need of a new flashlight. My buddy Kent showed me my next one a few months ago - they come in a two-pack for $20, they're metal, have a tailcap switch, three settings (including strobe), will fit on a gun mount, and they're better than the one I have now. AND they run on AAA batteries instead of the CR123 ones, which are stupidly expensive. I just have to sweet-talk my buddy with a Costco account into letting us in with her.

Toni and I are watching scary movies. I think I've rubbed off on her, because she's now

A) shouting advice to the people on TV
B) advising them of the grevious tactical errors they are committing
C) pointing out their failure to properly arm themselves

I am so, so proud.

Also, in the spirit of Halloween, we were discussing the validity of the Alfred Hitchcock classic "The Birds". We decided that we would be able to survive a bird attack for quite some time for a variety of reasons. First, I think the glass at our house is thicker than the single-pane stuff from the 50's. I also think that birds are generally too light to break the glass with their body weight, unless geese or swans or something similar begin diving into them, in which case I'll put on a leather jacket, a heavy scarf, a paintball mask and wade into 'em with my samurai sword. Or a bat. Or a shovel. The point is that I think we can survive a bird onslaught. Birds are far more fragile than zombies, I think. Oh - and I have two boxes of #7 dove shot, too. Just sayin'.....

OK - that's it for now.

Didn't want you guys to think I'd completely changed on ya.

976

Do you guys think I oughta quit counting when I hit 1000?