So it's Friday

I oughta eat something.

Last evening Medic T started working nights again. I guess it's a good thing, in that it'll help to keep us honest before we get married and all, but I don't like being by myself. I think I'm gonna start going at bed at 8 or 9 so I don't miss her so much. We're pondering some professional adjustments, too.

Last night was a struggle for me; I came really close to losing it again. I don't know if it was the loneliness or the change in routine or what. There's enough slightly gray areas I can rationalize being in, but at the end of the day most of it feels like excuses. I'm still on the wagon, but just barely. I think my metaphorical head has scrapes on it from looking at the metaphorical ground as I leaned waaaaaay over the edge of the metaphorical wagon. I don't want to get that close again. I'm going to start calling my accountability guys once a day until I get married. I think I just have to talk to somebody, ya know? It keeps me honest.

The past few weeks have been a struggle for me anyway, with fighting off some stuff that still resonates long after it should have stopped. It's a little like a tumor has been removed, but they had to take a lot of the tissue around it, and that part still hurts. It's sort of like seeing a fresh scar - even though what caused it is gone, you're still dealing with the after-effects of the injury for longer than you wanted to; some stuff is just a reminder of how bad it all it was at times, and the memories still bug me. I don't know of a better way to explain it without getting in trouble - I'm sorry for being so vague.

29 days and counting until me & Toni get hitched, by the way, so that's good.

UGH - drum corp practice got moved from Denton to McKinney. That might mess me up, as I'd have to drive from Roanoke to McKinney to Watauga and then back home. That's a LOT of driving and a lot of time with Code Name Diamond I'm not sure about sacrificing. Damn - I was really looking forward to that, too. Maybe I can do a partial practice or something :-(

I dunno, man - I think that's about it for today.

Code Name Diamond this afternoon.
Grocery store this evening.
CR tonight.
Chocolate-chip pancakes tomorrow.
Bacon on Sunday.

And Toni's home for the next several days, too. That's good - I need her around.

218....but just barely.