A few things today.

I know I'm a little depressed when....

....a cat in a chicken hat doesn't cheer me up all that much. Today I just feel that my life is an ongoing drudgery, and it shouldn't be. It should, in fact, be quite the opposite.

I also know I'm depressed when:

1) I start looking at Security Contractor jobs in Iraq & Afghanistan again

2) -> common sense prevails; large rant against ex-wife summarily removed.

3) I cry while I'm packing up my daughter's room for the last time.

4) I'm trying to buy a ring and plan some kind of honeymoon whilst utterly broke

5) -> common sense prevails; second rant against ex-wife summarily removed.

5) I run out of my antidepressants and it's three days before I can get it refilled, and I have another meltdown. I was able to get back on 'em yesterday, but I'm still in a little bit of a funk.

6) -> common sense prevails; need to talk to the doc next week

7) I finally get paid and I can't do much with it

8) I start to write blog like this.

9) I start thinking I might need a new job entirely

Ugh. I'm gonna leave, go home, and resume packing. I really thought if I got it all out it would cheer me up, but I think I just made it worse.

Oh wait - on a good note, I have a story.

Several years ago ('97, maybe?) my ex-wife and I were watching "The Man in the Iron Mask". It was on a VHS tape that her parents had recorded for us off of their satellite dish. We were all into it, but bad weather rolled in ten minutes from film's climax, ruined the reception, and we never learned how it ended. Today, I'm OK with not knowing how it ended, and now I think it might ruin it for me if I knew. I kind of enjoy the mystery. And if you know how it ends, don't tell me, OK?

I've found another application for that, and I'm OK with it now. You can take that for what it's worth, whoever you are.

You know what? That helped. And tomorrow will be better.

I'm gonna go pack. I'm moving on Saturday.

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