Gee - you're up early.

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So last night (and this morning) I had a little trouble sleeping. Trouble as in I can't.

Toni and I went running at about 7 or so. At about 8 we had pizza with some Dr. Pepper, no big deal. I thought it might keep me up a little bit, but nothing unreasonable. I saw a raccoon at the dumpster at about 9:30. He appeared cautious but friendly.

After watching King of the Hill, we went to bed a little later than we wanted to (12:00 am) but I was still very wide awake at 2. I purposefully did not take an Ambien because I didn't want to sleep until 10 or 11 (or noon) the next day. I listened to the radio, hoping to get drowsy, but had no such luck. At 5 am I gave up and turned on the news. At 6 I rounded up the cats & hauled 'em off to my house as the apartment is conducting some sort of fire system / sprinkler inspection, and the three of 'em might get squirrley and might mount an assault or break out & run. It could go either way.

So, it's now 7:36 and I'm still absurdly awake. I keep waiting to finally crash but I don't think I'm gonna, as my brain is still furiously clicking at faster than normal speed. If I'm still this wired at 9 PM tonight I'm gonna take an Ambien and knock down a beer just to make sure it sticks.

All I have to do today is wait for the materials to arrive (they should) do a little paperwork and make some phone calls. I'm hoping I crash after I take care of that. If I don't, I might take the rest of the day off and go back to the apartment and get Code Name Diamond's room all tidy.

Some of us are playing a version of the game where you pick which celebrity would play you in a movie. So far, it's been a unanimous Nicholas Cage for me.



We're kind of stuck on who oughta play my brother, though.

Ugh - I have 17 minutes before I can do anything productive, so I'm just gonna hack away here. I apologize for any weird turns this may take

Oh - now I start slowing down. Fine.

That chick in Florida who's baby girl vanished? I think the bitch did it, and I use that word intentionally.

Ooooh - this was something I realized last night. Part of getting over ________ (parts of your past, relationships, bad memories, etc) consists of one very important thing: you have to quit looking for things that remind you of _________. The past few days have been bad for me on that, as much as I hate to admit it. Fortunately, I have Toni to help me through it. I am very lucky and very blessed to have such a great woman, man.

Something else, too, that Toni and I were talking about last night - I think she's everything that I ever really wanted, ya know? I mean really, really wanted, and when I say that, I mean needed.

I needed somebody supportive.
I needed somebody kind.
I needed somebody sweet.
I needed somebody even-tempered.
I needed somebody patient.
I needed somebody that doesn't yell at me when I screw up.
I needed somebody forgiving.
I needed somebody that knew all my secrets and didn't reject me.
I needed somebody that respects my recovery.
I needed somebody that really loves me.

I got a good thing going, man. Now - here's the kicker.

I've had a (very) few folks ask me - with the best of intentions, mind you - some form of this question or another:

"You're not settling, are you?"

I'm 99% sure she's heard the same thing, too. When you start dating your (best) friend I can understand whre the question might present itself, ya know?

My answer is, and always will be, this: No way, man. Here's why.

If I had chosen to stay in an unhealthy relationship....
If I had chosen to not trust God to send me somebody wonderful....
If I had chosen to continue to do what I'd always done....

....that would have been settling. Instead, I opted for a change. I quit running my numbers - which will make sense to precisely one of you, I think (I may have lost some readership) and start living up to the potential that God has in store for me (and her) and the reward was worth the risk of doing something different.

Anyway, that's it for today. I'm gonna ....do something.

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