E-mail sent to accountibility brothers. Parts of it follow:
Hey guys - I need a little help on something that makes absolutely no sense to me whatsoever. Sorry to do this over e-mail, but it's hard to call from the new job, I have to pay by the minute on my cell phone and I tend to be able to sort my thoughts out better on e-mail. Anyway, here's where I am:
Every few weeks, I get the urge to ____________. (I can't be specific here, as it wouldn't be respectful of other's privacy)
->paragraph omitted due to privacy.
Do I miss _________? Yeah - a little every once in awhile, but not that much and I don't know why. __________ has led to a very real threat to my sobriety. I have 485 days and I'm not willing to piss it away because of _______. I've even gone so far as to make not __________ one of my terms of sobriety, and that seems to help.
Am I happy with Toni? Absolutely - I could not ask for more.
The companionship is great.
The friendship is great.
The spiritual growth is great.
The sex is great.
The communication is great. (Toni knows all this, by the way, and is taking it very well; she gets it has nothing to do with her)
We're going to go see our therapist together in a few weeks to see what she says because I'm baffled. She's very good, knows us both very well, is a Christian counselor, and has been mine since 2004. Right now I think it ties in to the love-addict/love-avoidant cycle I was caught up in for so long. Maybe I need to re-study the book I have on that?
So far I haven't done anything because I know how wrong it is and how much it'll hurt Toni, not to mention how much it'll likely mess me up, not to mention ___________ (I have no idea about anything related to ___________ since June or July of last year, and Toni checks my e-mails and my phone regularly, which I have no problem with.)
I'm lost on this one - any thoughts? Do I just need some more time to heal from this?
Even 485 days in, sometimes stuff wants to try. We fight an enemy that is cunning, baffling and powerful.
Fortunately, we don't fight alone.
7 comments:
"Fortunately, we don't fight alone."
When we do, we don't hold out for long. I am very proud of you.
I couldn't follow most of that because of the blanks - not that I want to or think it should be here if you don't think it's appropriate. But that doesn't matter, because I got enough of it to know you need some prayer. And that's really all we need to know at the end of the day.
Good for you to pull your partners in on stuff that's possibly outside of your peripheral, too.
Its like mad libs Brian. Try adding sky diving and picking your nose in the blanks and see what happens.
Just kidding ian, I know this is real to you I just couldnt help it.
Well, he does have an issue with blowing his nose at the table... :)
You keep at it Toni! At least he doesn't use his shirt anymore.
Does he?
LOL no.
Damn - I was doing good until tonight when gnat went up my nose. I confess using the t-shirt I was wearing as a tissue.
For about 30 minutes.
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