I'm sorry in advance

I have more to say about wiener size and sex from a male's (OK....my male's) perspective in general. You guys can bail now if you want to.

And before I get started, I know what the Bible and just about every church says about sex, abstinence, etc. This isn't about that, so let's keep the "moral" and theological aspects out of this one, OK?. It is what it is, and you can't change my past, which is what I'm basing my experiences (and this blog) on, and they don't always match what I learned in Sunday school.

So.....

I'm not alone in my observation about America's evident obsession about making their junk bigger. How many of have seen the ads everywhere? Admit it - you have. And oh, man - do they prey on some pretty primal stuff for us guys.

See, someplace along the way, we're taught that you need a big pecker to satisfy women sexually. Disagree if you will, but that's what the majority of us guys pick up from their friends, the media, porn and just about every other source possible. We're trained, either voluntarily or involuntarily, to think this way, and the ads on TV prove it. If you've ever seen an ad (any ad), they imply the following, if they don't just say it directly:

- Your wiener is too small
- You can't last long enough to satisfy your woman
- Your woman wants you to have a bigger wiener
- Your woman will be more sexually satisfied with your bigger wiener

And oh, do they cheat, too. They, knowing that guys are visually stimulated, put the most sexually alluring females possible, wearing the least amount of clothing possible, and have them read scripts the reinforce every insecurity we men have about ourselves, while simultaneously attacking our pride.

They promise to make you bigger, last longer, make you better at satisfying your woman, and generally turn you into a sexual tyrannosaurus rex. They also imply that your woman will be quite pleased with you for taking their pill, drinking their beverage, applying their lotion or using their pump or whatever the hell else they offer up. And you know what? Men are buying this stuff by the truckload, if you believe the ad.

And why? A few reason, if you ask me. In no particular order.....

- I think most men really do want to bring as much sexual pleasure to their wives, girlfriends, etc. as possible, and so in a genuine effort to please their women, some of these guys are being manipulated by guilt into thinking they their women need this, regardless of whether they actually do or not. And, truth be told, a lot of men are pretty stupid when it comes to sex in general. I'm an easily-identifiable example of this.

- It's a pride thing, man. I think it all goes back to junior high gym class. I think in every culture, there's a direct correlation between phallic size and masculinity. Admit it - manly man = big pecker, at least in (if not most especially in) our society. Watch one sitcom and you'll get at least one penis joke somewhere in there, and odds are it's going to be a joke implying size or stamina. Deny it if you will, but I think this is pretty hard-wired into guy's psyche, and it takes a lot to overcome.

- As I said before, our society and our culture tried it's best to tell us that we men need to be sexual athletes. We need to be able to screw endlessly, for hours on end, giving our women multiple orgasms with our giant wieners from dusk until dawn. And somehow, we let this get into our heads and we have this need to emulate this image and achieve this standard, whether or not it's realistic and whether our women want it or not. We at least have to have the ability, right?

I'll admit it - I've totally fallen for this. I fell for it for years, man, and anytime it didn't happen I felt like a complete and total failure, and that just pushed me into a pretty dysfunctional sexual cycle of shame, disappointment, self-loathing. Eventually it resulted in a pretty serious long-term case of poor performance by any standard, no matter how supportive the partner or may not have been. And oh, man - does that ever hit a guy really, really hard. It's emasculating like you wouldn't believe, and it gets so easy to get so wrapped in how you're performing that you completely forget that sex is supposed to be the ultimate expression of love and commitment between two people. Instead, it turns into some kind of terrible track meet, always trying to beat your own "personal best" or overcome some hurdle, which in turn eventually causes it to become an ultimately selfish act. It did, albeit quite unintentionally, become so for me, much to the detriment of the relationships with people I loved very much. I admit this to my own set of dealt-with shame, and it took a very, very long time to finally figure this out. I don't think it's one of those conclusions that you can reach on your own, no matter how often somebody tells you, no matter how true it may be. It took a lot of time, recovery and healing for me to come out of that cycle and approach some sexual normalcy again.

Looking back - I wonder how much of this was my addiction, and how much of it was conditioning?

There's one thing I need to say, too, and I need to be very, very clear about this. Oftentimes, there's a very real medical need to these products, and I don't begrudge those that need them to continue on with their sex lives as they've become accustomed one bit. In a very real way, I liken it to controlled substances, like morphine. If you're in the hospital in severe pain, I think you should, by all means, have it freely. However, if you're just using it to get high in the basement, maybe that's not such a good thing.

I think I'd also be pretty remiss if I didn't address what's perhaps the most important issue of all of this, and maybe the central issue that's really at the crux of all of this - communication with your woman is the biggest thing of all, man. Maybe an increase in size, stamina or whatever isn't what she needs or even wants from us. It's even fairly likely that she has an entirely different set of needs that are nearly unrelated to what the ads tell us, but those don't sell pills.

And for the record, I tried to tone down the verbiage as much as I could. I'm certainly not afraid to use the word penis, but this really isn't much of a medical or clinical setting, and there's not too many other words I felt like using. If I can avoid my blog going to NC-17 I will, and I've had enough X-rated stuff to last me a lifetime already.

I don't really have cat that's appropriate. Sorry, guys.

Come back tomorrow and I'll tell you all about the big meat sandwiches we'll have eaten.

440 days sober.