I suppose I'll start with the most socially significant one. Last week, our pastor was telling the congregation that their kids are already talking about sex. Yes - even your kids, as young and as sweet and as Innocent and as pure as the wind-driven snow as they are. Well, Toni and I figured we'd take his word for it and confer with our daughter's Mom and see where we were on having "The Talk." Turns out our daughter got to the party before we did.
Now, as it turns out, our daughter's Mom (Code Name Carbon) seized the opportunity to have a teachable moment a few days ago. As Carbon asked the basic "what all do you know?" question, thereby allowing her to get a reading on where our daughter was on her knowledge of the birds & the bees, she listened intently (masking massive shock) as our daughter basically filled her in on the basic points, complete with medically accurate terminology and basic physiology, and the basics of how pregnancy occurs, along with the knowledge of an act that does not result in pregnancy. *sigh* She's 9, man.
On a good note, she knows a couple of things that are good. She knows that sex isn't a bad word, and she knows that she shouldn't have sex before she gets married, and she knows not to run around naked and not to show anybody her body. She also knows that she can talk to Carbon about it anytime she wants, and that Carbon will always tell her the truth. After this weekend, she'll know the same things from me & Toni. What else can we do, except steer her towards what God says about it and what we believe? I think we all know I have a lot to say on the subject - I'm hoping I can keep it age-appropriate, truthful & God-honoring. We'll see what happens, but I'm bound and determined to do my best to help her not to make the same mistakes I made.
Toni and I went to counseling on Tuesday and I think it went pretty well. I can only write about my experience, but I think (I know) that I still have some (a lot) of work to do regarding issues I still have, most of which I think are related to my divorce, and/or the damage done therein, along with I can only assume are some of my own problems I still haven't unpacked and dealt with all the way, as hard as that is for me to comprehend. I mean - how many more problems can I have that I haven't examined?
Back to what I picked up on counseling, though. I feel like I have a big 'ol splinter (or a big 'ol stick) stuck in my chest I just found out about, and from what I understand, the secret to getting that stick fixed is to ask God this one question and then listen for His answer: God - what is that you want to heal in me? I think that I've done a really good job of working on my issues so far, and oddly enough I'm glad to find out I have one more splinter to work out, even though it's deep and probably still infected. At least I'm not on fire (metaphorically) anymore. I'm willing to concede that I have a splinter that was hard to discern through all the flames.
I think that once God gets whatever it is in me fixed that He wants to get fixed, that's going to fix a LOT of problems, including those lingering about my ex, which - as it turns out - aren't really about my ex at all. And truth be told, I'm looking forward to being healed from what God wants me to be healed from, not so much what *I* think I need to be healed from. Trying to do it (mostly by) myself hasn't worked as well as I'd have liked it to. What a shock.
As for the remaining issues, here they are, in no particular order:
#1) I have some allergies, and they are a little annoying.
#2) I would like to eat two animals I have not eaten before. They are:
A) Rabbit
B) Squirrel
#3) I'm still tapering myself off my anti-depressants, and I still have a ringing in my ears, along with a bit of vertigo, both of which are annoying. I'm going to give it a few more weeks. If it turns out that this ringing and vertigo is somehow a permanent condition I'm going to go back on them. I'm willing to spend $4 a month to keep my ears from ringing all the time.
That's it for tonight. Tomorrow I shall have a photo essay.
I'm glad you're reading.
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4 comments:
You don't know me and I don't know that I even remember the path that led me to your blog about a year ago, but I just wanted to tell you thank you.
Thank you for keeping it honest and thank you for putting it out there, blemishes and all, because it makes me feel that I'm okay too.
Sorry if that sounds strange, but I stopped going to church because I couldn't stand to be around all the "perfect" people. I know, I know ... no one is perfect. But standing there week after week being confronted by the visual perfection was more than I could handle.
I try to live my life the way God wants me to and I fail every day. But every day I wake up and make the same promise to try again and that's whats keeping me going.
Enough babbling ... I just wanted to say thanks and that someone out here in blogland gets very inspired from your honesty.
Hi, Anonymous! Thanks for reading, and for commenting, too. Is blesses me beyond measure to know that anything I say helps out somebody in even that smallest way. I think more than anything it's proof that God uses really broken people to help out His children. You totally made my day!
For what it's worth , know this: you are OK. in fact, you're more than OK, even if you don't know it 100% all the time. God says so :-)
I'm glad I'm reading too = )
42 more days to the big One-Oh-Oh-Oh!!!!!
Anon, I hear what you're saying about going to church and being confronted by visual perfection.
Unfortunately, modern religion (especially in the bible belt) has made us all *very* good at keeping a squeaky clean facade firmly in place.
Know this - those folks aren't any better off than you where it counts. They're dealing with their fallen nature just like the rest of us - the pride, the anger, the bitterness, the jealousy.. take your pick. They're just better at putting a good face on when other people are around.
As they say in my church, "it's ok to not be ok. it's just not ok to stay there." And that's not a quick process.
If I may suggest - it's not good to avoid other believers completely. We're called to live in a covenant community with our brothers and sisters. Find yourself a good church you can plug in to. When you start really living life with other Christians, you can start digging deep with them to get past whatever facade they (and us all) have up.
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