Today I realized that I am never going to get out of debt making $8.50 an hour. Never, ever, ever. I realized that I haven't made this little money since I was 20, and that was sixteen years ago. Man, I think I might need to find something else. The road to digging myself out of this financial hellhole I've dug for myself must eventually rise above the poverty line.
There's a slight possibility that I may have to yank this blog completely if I seek any job where a background investigation is required. If that happens I'll let you guys know. We'll see what happens, I guess. I hate working for peanuts, I hate doing the same thing every day (which is what I'm doing), and (now) I generally hate people under the age of 25 when I'm their direct supervisor and it's not my company where I can fire them without repercussion because I find them lazy or obnoxious.
There's also a huge discrepancy between what I like to do, what I can do, what I'm good at, what I can get paid to do, and how much they'll pay me. I hate that.
I feel like I missed out sometimes, like there's something else out there; something dangerous and exciting that forces creativity, innovation, improvisation and whatever else I'm not getting right now. something where's it's something new every day, something where you feel alive at the end of it, which is not often found in shoveling popcorn.
I think somewhere I picked up that work is a part of life, and that work is 99% boring and routine. Is that true? Does it have to be that way? Is that the life that God calls us to? Boring? Routine? Really? Is this the curse that God talks about in the Bible, where Adam condemns men to slave to earn a living? If so, thanks for nothing.
I feel pretty unhappy tonight, in case you couldn't tell. I feel like I'm staring at 40 and financially, I'm even worse off than I was at 20. That's a depressing thought.
As an aside, if you want to take issue with something I wrote, keep it to yourself from now on. I was originally wrote "give me a call", but truthfully, I don't want to talk to anybody about anything I wrote here.
What's more, I don't like "discussing" things over a blog, or an e-mail or via text. Gawd - I hate texting. These are terrible, terrible ways of communicating when you want to resolve anything. I used to date a girl that would, at times, only talk to me through e-mail or texting when I had pissed her off in some way. Man - I hated that. What a shitty way to resolve an interpersonal problem. Anyway, I'm through responding here if you guys disagree with me in some way. I don't have it in me, and it's likely to be a waste of time, as I generally agree with what I wrote (or else I wouldn't have written it) and you're not going to change my mind or make me "really think", or enlighten me, or edify me, or give me a new perspective or anything else like that. I think what I think, and I like what I think, and I agree with myself. I don't want to discuss, argue, debate, quarrel, or have some kind of Algonquin round table where we all Lincoln-Douglass our way through it like coffeehouse intellectuals. I'm in no way bent that way, and I'm at the stage in my life where I could give a tin shit what 99.9% of folks think of anything I have to say anyway, and as rude as that sounds, that includes most of you.
If takes two to talk, you guys are largely on your own here, as I didn't design this as a conversational tool. I'm better at just listening to myself, and maybe God, my wife or my kid if I'm having a good day. Right now I don't want to listen to anybody else.
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4 comments:
This is from an old coddger that also dose not often care about what other people think. A tool I use for listening, is to try to see what God might be saying through them. What they think of you is not really of any inportance unless they are valued family. The key to doing this is something you are already doing--- Bible study. When you read, ask yourself what did God tell me about who He is, and how does He think. Knowing Him and how much He values you makes other people's thoughts about you of little value.Mike McM
I'm trying to decide between "well piss you on you too then" or simply leaving or saying something else and attempting to be civil. I think I'll pick C for now.
You know, you shit on a lot of people that come by here to be encouraging and be your friend. And going to some personality trait of myself: I've said that very sentence before on here, and yet I'm here still. That trait must be "dumb". Or "masochist."
You basically said you don't value anyone who is here and what they have to say - including myself, I assume. Many of whom I know firsthand are godly intelligent people. That's pretty hard not to take personally. Oh, and you'd rather just listen to yourself. If this is true, you're acting like a fool. And you're a lot of things, but I don't think you're a fool, man.
And you owe Kim an apology.
Chill Brian, Nothing a person has to say will change anything that counts. Only the Sprit speaking through someone has a changing work. Ian is correct, in that if he is not hearing the Holy Sprit, All he hears is mush. I am not saying to stop speaking, just know if what you say has value it comes from the Holy Sprit within you and is not therfore any thing to take personal credit for. Ian must be taught by hearing the working of the Holy Sprit within himself conferming what the sprit is using other voices to say. Mike McM
AnonMike, please do not give me instructions. I don't know who you are, but I've got nearly two decades of experience with Ian. Good and bad times for both of us. He knows me, and I know him pretty well. I consider him a brother, and I would be doing him a disservice if I never said anything contrary to what he believes.
I feel like what I said was pretty even keel considering the outcome of the more recent comments below including some curt rudeness to a woman I happen to care about and then this most recent post.
I don't expect I hold any power or control over Ian nor what he believes. I never said I did. But one of the things I can do is express pain and hope he can recognize it coming from someone he knows quite well.
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