I. Weird Dream About Stealing A Car
On Friday night I had a dream so bothersome that I haven't been able to get it out of my head for the last 16 hours or so. I dreamed that I stole the car of an ex's significant other. Oddly enough, I haven't spoken to the ex in several months and I've never even met the guy face-to-face and I really don't have anything against him personally. It wasn't even what he drives, either. In the dream I stole the car because I was mad at him for "getting the girl", which was made even more bizarre by the fact that in the dream I was married, and I even talked my wife into going with me. Anyway, after driving his car around around a college and around a lake for a while I began to realize what I had done and how wrong it was and how much worse off my wife and kid are going to be and so I parked the car at the sheriff's office and turned myself in, where I felt really, really bad. Later on in the dream I met up with the guy and the ex (who had a hurt - but healing - leg for some reason) and not only were they together, they were quite happy and the guy was pretty nice about it. He wouldn't press charges if I could help him get people into his day camp, which I agreed to do. When I woke up I was still very firmly convinced I was going to jail, though, and it took me a good 30 minutes to convince myself that it was just a dream and none of it ever happened. I still feel that same sense of wrongdoing I felt when I first woke up, and I'm having a hard time shaking it.
II. Guilt over Money
A friend of mine once told me that his dad said that if you owed anybody any money, anytime you spent any money on yourself you were stealing from that person. Damn - that has stuck with me in a terrible, terrible way, so much that if I buy food, tithe or take my wife out on a date I have to fight those feelings of guilt and try really hard to convince myself that I'm not stealing from the folks I owe money to. On an intellectual level I know how hard I'm working to get out of debt, and I know it's going to take a while, and I know that God knows that I'm working at it - we both are - but man, is it ever hard to shake that guilty feeling. Part of me thinks those are the words of somebody that's never been in massive, crushing debt before, especially when it's not entirely that person's (my) fault, and doesn't know how hard it is to dig oneself out of it - but it's still really hard to feel OK about trying to eke out a tiny bit of pleasure & relaxation out of your life (which you need from time to time) with those words echoing in your head. And I can usually tell the difference between guilt and conviction - but oftentimes it's still hard for me to discern which is which, especially when there's a bit of gray area involved. I don't have an answer for that one, man.
III. Somebody Else's New Job?
There's a kid at work who's just a bad employee. Poor attitude, lackadaisical work ethic, multiple write-ups, etc. For the past week I've been pretty hot to get her canned - I hate to admit that, but I have been. I'm able to rationalize it 100%, even objectively. But tonight, after yet another fiasco at work, I found myself asking myself why she's such a terrible employee, and I figured it's because, at the end of the day, she hates this job. I get that - I've been there...lots of times. So, while I was at work tonight, I asked her what her dream job would be, and she said "riding the dolphins at Sea World!" After that, she went on and on about how she loves animals and loves to go snorkeling and diving and all that kind of stuff. Later still, I asked her, one on one, if that was her passion, then why was she wasting her time, talent and energy sweeping up trash at the dollar movies? And then I asked her if she'd ever thought about applying at a pet store or a diving shop, and her little eyes lit up. I'm going to try to connect her with a guy that I know who works at a pet store, and I'm going to see if I can't help that girl find something she'll like a bit more. The way I figure, that's a win/win situation, and as much as she's been a source of aggravation for me these past few weeks, I hate to see her miserable and working at a job she hates when she might be happier doing something that's closer to her passion than being an usher.
Anyway, that's it for me today, other than Toni and I looked a motorcycles today, and she's (we've) decided on a "metric" bike, which is another term for crotch-rocket. And I forgot to do all the closing reports at work, but I did everything else. We'll see if I get in trouble for that or not. Hmph. And now it's 3:07 AM on Sunday, and I'm going to bed.
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3 comments:
and she's (we've) decided on a "metric" bike, which is another term for crotch-rocket
Not precisely. "metric" is a sort of bigger group - as in "most all bikes that aren't 'from' the USA." Honda/Yami/Kawi, etc. As in, the bits use the metric system. In the cruiser world (like mine) it's used as a bit of a pejorative. Since, you know, only unamerican jackasses would consider buying anything but a harley.
Still excited for you whatever you decide. You're going to have a lot of fun. *(:=
that's a win/win situation
Is it, though? What about for your buddy? Pawning off an obviously poor employee on the poor bastard. *(:=
It is possible her attitude and work ethic shapes up when she's playing with kittens, but you and I know that jobs are rarely about doing what you want to do. There's lots of tedium in there too. heh.
(That said, you have a good plan and I commend you on not booting her butt on principle.)
Oh - he just works there; he's not a manager or anything, so I don't think it'd affect him too much. And odds are nobody else would put up with her crap - I think you have to beat somebody up to get fired from there. Even the no-call/no-shows get "counseling reports", despite my rather vocal objections. And yeah - she could use a bit of every-job-is-a-little-boring experience.
Hey Ian, this is Jenny. Just a couple of thoughts. Disregard them if they are unwanted.
Good for you for directing that girl to a pet shop. What Brian said is true: Bad work ethic is bad work ethic, but young people often time need to be motivated a little to put forth the effort. Anyway, very smart.
The other comment is regarding the debt issue. I have personally never been in debt (other than Brandon's student loan and we are working on that.) I think that calling it "steeling" is a little harsh. If you are making the agreed upon payments toward your debt, then whatever is left should be spent with an incredible amount of wisdom. Eating out on any kind of a regular basis, for example, is not wise by any standard. Spending very much money at all on a date is also not wise. (Brandon and I went on many $3-$5 dates back when we had NO money) We are on a very tight grocery budget, so we only eat meat like 2-3 times a week. We eat a lot of eggs and beans. That being said, we will spend $2.50 on powdered sugar donuts once every couple of weeks to fill this "I WANT SUGAR" need in me! The point is not that we (while we have a student loan) don't spend ANY money on ANYTHING other than the necesities, it is just that when we do, we go super cheap, and we don't do it very often.
If you are being wise (according to wisdom found in scripture and basically using common sense as well as seeking wise council) then you should feel no guilt. Guilt should be felt if you are still being irresponsible with your money under the guise of convenience or "needed" relaxation. And really, only you, Toni, and the Lord know that. Again, this is wisdom according to Jenny. I am by no means infallible, nor do I know what it is like to be Ian and Tony, and I don't presume to. These are just my thoughts from my perspective.
We love you guys and miss you! Can't wait until we can get back to Texas so that the kiddos can see their uncle Ian and aunt Toni. You could also spend any expendable income to come to visit a Guatemalan paradise! ;)
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