Oh, if you could see me now.

You would likely flinch, if not recoil in horror. Allow me to elaborate.

I'm on Day #3 with the socks. The underwear is only on Day #2. I don't know how long I've had these pants on, and that's not a joke. I think it was last week sometime. Ditto the shirt, though they've been spared some of the naturally occurring funk because I've been taking them (and my pants ) off periodically when I get too hot running the Mapp/Pro gas blowtorch in the living room. I haven't shaved in over a week, and I look awful. I haven't had a shower or brushed my teeth in three days. I have deep black circles under my eyes and my hair looks like an unkempt auburn haystack. The last thing I ate was a plate of saltines with peanut butter, marshmallows & chocolate chips on 'em, and that was at about four or five this morning. I ran out of Dr. Pepper shortly thereafter.

This morning I've made two trips to Walmart, one to the post office, and I spent half of my last $20 to put gas in the car. I've shipped 11 orders, 12 1099-misc IRS forms (late) and sent all the necessary paperwork to the IRS (also late). If I want to keep my wife's car I'm gonna have to borrow the money. I petted the bold gray cat that comes in & eats Scrappy's food. I don't know if it's the same cat Brando dubbed "Evil Gray" but it sure doesn't have any qualms about coming into the garage. The gearshift in my car was sticking last night, but it seems to have corrected itself. I helped spill some Dr. Pepper down there, and I suspect that's the culprit.

My body clock is so completely whacked it's lunchtime and I'm either not tired or I'm beyond exhaustion & working my way towards zombietown, which I might never live down. I barely know what day it is, and I know there's no point in sleeping, because I'll have to get up in 90 minutes to get ready to pick up my kiddo. I missed her last Thursday (she had a cold) and I'm making it up tonight. I think we're going to try to make pizza - I saw some dough mix at the store.

Anyway, I have to clean up before I pick her up, because I look awful. I smell a bit gamey. I'm beyond exhausted, and my body clock wouldn't know a circadian rhythm if it had a bell around its neck. I'm absurdly broke, and not entirely sure where my next meal is coming from. I still don't know what God's plan for me is. I need a haircut, a shower, a shave, about 10 hours of uninterrupted sleep and several thousand dollars to keep my head above water. I'm getting that dizzy vertigo feeling from not having my meds in the past 72 hours (I'm getting the refill en route to pick her up - no worries) and I have several new holes in my jeans I can't quite account for. And as I write this, somebody just came to the door to hang up some kind of door-hanger ad, and - I swear this is true - I almost launched myself into a barking fit just to see if they would run. There are clothes in the dryer, I've been trying my beloved wife's patience for the past 36 hours, and the litter box needs cleaning.

But man, oh, man - I'm sober.

Thank you guys - all of you.

Thank you God - to you be the Glory.

365