My body clock is officially gone, gone, gone. Toast. Zilch. Nada. I'd rather say it's just working the complete opposite of what it's supposed to, but it's so erratic it won't even establish a pattern I can fall into. I blame working in a bar, which I'm doing four nights this week. As much as it messes up my sleep schedule, it does pay every week, and Toni and I do enjoy eating. I won't get a paycheck from my "real" job for at least two weeks, and every paycheck is earmarked for payroll, the IRS or the AG's office until I'm back on my (our) feet.
It's 5:39 AM and I don't know whether to just stay up & keep working or eat breakfast (or is it dinner at this point?) and go to bed for a few hours. I think McDonalds has breakfast chicken & biscuits that might be good. And cheap, too.
President Obama gets sworn in today, but I'm likely to sleep through it. I think I'd probably sleep through whoever was being sworn in. And I just don't have any more energy to bash Obama anymore, either. I've been listening to conservative talk radio since I was 19 or 20 - that's nearly 16 years of Limbaugh, Davis, Hannity, Liddy, etc. I know the drill, and I know where I stand, blah, blah, blah. After a while the conservatives tax plan starts sounding less and less like anything that's ever to affect me anyway, and I plan on buying enough ammo for the guns I already have to keep us safe from the zombies anyway, so my plan hasn't changed much, no matter who's in charge. And if they tax ammo too high for me to afford it, I'll learn to make more kinds of bombs. I already have the cutlery necessary to remove zombie heads. I think I'm still in the financial state of "screwed", so it doesn't matter (today) who's in office as far as my money is concerned. I'm only worried about today.
OK - I said I'd talk about this yesterday, and it's the shortest one. Toni pointed out to me that I'm doing a pretty bad job of taking care of myself some of the time. One of the marks of codependent people is the failure to realize the reality of your basic personal needs, such as food, health care, clothing, sleep, etc.
I can honestly say that I've been in denial about maintaining proper nutritional meals for myself. I think I'm too busy to eat, or I don't want to spend the money, or I don't want to stop working long enough to cook something for myself. And Toni gets dragged down with me, as she tends to eat when I do. Now, when it comes to Code Name Diamond it's a totally different story, as I do my best to feed her as best I can. She's very good about selecting nutritional and healthy foods most of the time, so I think we;re OK there, even if she does eat a lot of french fries.
I tend to wear clothes until they fall apart, and holes in clothing is nothing to me, though I'm starting to really understand that when you can see skin through it it's probably time for it to go. I'm getting slightly better about hat, but I still won't spend money to buy clothing until somebody forces me to.
Sleep is it's own story, as you guys can see.
Brushing my teeth has completely reversed itself from where I used to be. Back in the 5th grade, somebody told me I had yellow teeth (which I don't have the money to fix and I'm really sensitive about) and bad breath, and the dentist told me that it was caused by plaque. So I began brushing my teeth much more, and by high school and for several years afterwards I was brushing my teeth six or more times a day. I eventually slackened when the dentist told me I had scrubbed away the gum tissue on my bottom two incisors and that it wouldn't grow back (it never did). Eventually, I returned top a normal pace, though after my wife left I quit caring, and I never got back into regular brushing - to hell with hygiene. Anyway, Toni has recently become concerned with my oral health (and rightfully so) so I'm relying to work on brushing my teeth twice a day, and only twice. I tend to go to extremes with it, and it's likely a part of the codependency that I'm still coping with from day to day.
Well, that's my tooth brushing thing. I'm going to go to bed, I guess, as I can't do much else for a few hours anyway until the rest of the world wakes up at 8. Plus I'm stalling about the work thing and the ministry thing.
And I have more stuff to do that's really important, but I've got it in my head that some of it is more important than other parts of it, and I don't know how to get it all done in the time I need to get it all done in, and still work the other jobs, which let me eat.
Anyway, that's it for today.
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