I held it together all weekend, so I'm pretty contented about that. When I woke up on Friday, the feelings seemed to have run their course and I felt a lot better. I think that was as close to bottoming out again as I've been in several months. It seems as though one little thing snowballed on me, though I'm still not quite sure how it exactly occurred, other than to say that happened one tiny bit at a time. For what it's worth, I didn't sit by and feed it - I think it managed to grow on its own while I was trying to figure it all out and analyze the who, what, why and how it was occurring. Even after it was all over, I was left with one thing I can't get past, and that is this:
I can't see or find the death in one particular aspect of my life and/or my recovery, depending on how you want to look at it. Until I can see the death in it, I'm likely to continue to struggle with it from time to time. Perhaps it'll take more time, or I might need to talk to a professional. I'll call my CR guys about it as well, and I'll doubtlessly keep you guys posted.
Thursday we hung out with Code Name Diamond before I had to go to work. Thursday night at the bar was really slow. Friday was slow as well, and the band was terrible, and I mean it was so bad that people were leaving instead of coming in. To add insult to injury, the lead singer was a complete jackass as well. Saturday night was quite busy, as we had a group of "Travelers" in the bar. "Travelers" are modern-day gypsies of Irish descent who travel the country scamming money, and who have apparently set up shop in Fort Worth for the winter. They use fake ID's from states like Montana, Idaho & North Dakota, and like to start fights in bars, like the one I work in. The off-duty FWPD cops we hire "made" them pretty quickly, and after we managed to identify the rest of their party we threw out about six of them as fast as we could find reason. We didn't have any real trouble, unless you count the lack of sleep.
Friday night I got to CR and it was awesome. I needed to get back, and I really missed it. I need to let less stuff get in the way of me going. I was glad to be there and be with my guys again.
This weekend we saw "Bolt" with our daughter. It was really good, and it made me dislike dogs a little less. After seeing "Bolt", dogs seem a little less annoying than I used to think they were. I think I might be a little more sympathetic towards dogs now. I now think that there might be some good dogs out there. I suppose most of 'em are, huh? I think I see why people like dogs a little bit more.
On Sunday we went to church and made cupcakes. I was going to make a little zip line for our daughter but I need to find some more of the ropes & carabiners I have packed up someplace before I try it out. Our daughter is skeptical.
Money is still pretty tight, and now I'm dangerously close to getting booted out of our office space. Oh, well - if it's not one thing it's another, right? Toni says I'm putting out fires. Maybe I'll be a firefighter next. I'm looking for another part-time job as a bartender someplace close. We'll see how that goes.
The money issue is a little stressful in that everybody says they need to be my first priority. The IRS, the Texas AG's office, my landord, payroll, our car payments...the list goes on and on. The road goes on forever and the party never ends, right?
I guess that's pretty much it for now. I didn't want to go another day without letting you guys know what was up. I'll be back on tomorrow for sure. All of our stuff (materials) came in today and we're making stuff out of the house. I have the phones forwarded to my cell, and I brought the computer home, too.
Anyway, that's it for now. See you guys tomorrow.
331, yo.
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