I'm not sure what to write today

Which is another way of saying I don't really want to write about everything.

I guess I'll start with Thursday night. I didn't break sobriety, but I lost it anger-wise. I finally snapped and broke a few things, including a picture, a light, a key holder and a stool. I slapped Oscar off the counter, too, and he hid from me for several hours. I don't have a reason, I don't think, other than I just snapped. I told Toni I just couldn't handle anything else going wrong. After I cleaned up the mess I sat on the couch and watched TV for several hours until I was able to calm down. Oscar finally came out and seems OK. I took a Klonipin and went to bed.

Friday morning I felt great - like nothing happened. Toni and I made up (though I was never mad at her at all) and everything is fine now, except for the damage.

The meeting with the AG's office went well; nothing to speak of. I was afraid that they were going to suspend all my visitation until I got caught up, but that didn't happen, and it doesn't seem like it will.

I missed CR again; I ran out of time and it was a visitation weekend. I may try to go to another group on Monday to make up for it.

Nothing happened at the bar this weekend.

Code Name Diamond had a great weekend, I think. We made a tiny little zip line in the back yard, and ate chocolate-chip and marshmallow pancakes with bacon for breakfast on Saturday. We cooked a full-on chicken-fried steak meal on Saturday and ate until we were ready to burst. We ate the rest of it on Sunday with fried potatoes, which Code Name Diamond loves. She slept in a tent all weekend with Timone & Pumba, who loved the tent as much as she did.

I'm feeling disconcerted about (among a lot of other things) not feeling like I have a vision about what God wants me to do; where I fit in, where my passion is, how He can use me to His glory. I do know that His vision for me will have nothing to do with me, it might be hard, and may seem completely impossible for me to do. I have no problem with those things, but I just don't think I have any idea what that thing is, and I'm not exactly sure how to go about getting that revelation, if that's how you get it or if that's how you know. Nothing I've tried seems to really be "it" - ya know? It seems like every door I like closes on me somehow.

To make matters worse, I committed to help teaching the "student CR" and I've totally flaked on it. There's no other way to put it, and now I feel too badly about it to call and make it right. I've been putting it off for several days; I know I'm procrastinating, and I know I'm not handling this well.

Anyway, that's it for today.

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