So tonight we went to Bass Pro Shop to kill some time. I've been looking for a good pair of gloves to replace the ones that finally wore out last year, and while we were there we saw the boats, and instantly I was taken back.

I was taken back to a time with my daughter was only four. We spent a lot of Sunday afternoons and Wednesday nights at Bass Pro Shop. She called it "Fish and Ducks". We'd go in and sit and eat popcorn at the water wheel and I'd watch her feed the ducks before we went to the boats. Man - she loved those boats.

She'd climb up on to those boats and she'd sit in all the seats. She'd go from boat to boat and look at them all. She liked the pontoon boat "party barges" the best.

We went there quite a bit when she was three and four. Back then, it was a good halfway point between my house in Justin and her Mom's place in Lewisville. It was a good spot for us to spend a few hours together before I had to take her home. To this day, I still hate taking her home.

Those days sure were sad for me, man. I was hurt, directionless, wandering. I wanted so badly to do everything I could to make her happy; to make those little blue eyes sparkle and see her tiny little smile or hear her laugh. I wanted to go back and undo all the mistakes I'd made that cost us our lives together, and somehow put it all back together again, and I'd watch her climb around on those boats and my heart would just break. I'd have to blink back the tears and smile and pretend that I wasn't just crumbling inside, and I remember trying so hard to hold it together in front of her, and thinking that she was so little.

Anyway, tonight I saw those boats and it made my heart ache for my daughter, man. I wanted her to be so young again; I wanted her to be that carefree kid forever, and I know she can't.

I don't know how to explain it. I'm sure every parent gets hit with this once in a while- you remember them being so little.

Anyway, I held it together until I got home from the bar and I knew I needed a good cry, as it's been an emotional week for me. I found a song by a guy named Stoney Larue called "Forever Young", and I used to have to go outside when they played it at the last bar i worked at, because it made me think of my daughter and and I start tearing up. Tonight, I put it on and immediately melted down.

I dunno, man. Sometimes your heat just breaks for your kids for no reason other than you love them just the way they are, and you will always love them, no matter what, and there's nothing they can ever do to make the stop loving them.

Here are the words to the song.

May God bless and keep you always
May your wishes all come true
May you always do for others
And let others do for you
May you build a ladder to the stars
And climb on every rung
May you stay forever young

May you grow up to be righteous
May you grow up to be true
May you always know the truth
And see the lights surrounding you
May you always be courageous
Stand upright and be strong
May you stay forever young

May your hands always be busy
May your feet always be swift
May you have a strong foundation
When the winds of changes shift
May your heart always be joyful
And may your song always be sung
May you stay forever young

Here's what I think of when I hear that song, and when I see those boats.


















Anyway, that's all. No parallels or anything. I just wanted to get that off my chest.

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