Well, at the behest of my wife, I'm not going to tell the story I had originally planned. I shall, however, still to convey the pertinent information I had intended to, albeit in a different way.

While at work on Thursday, I had an experience equivalent to a recovering alcoholic picking up the wrong glass at a party and accidentally getting a mouthful of hard liquor.

I have to admit that as funny as I could make the story, I'd still have to relive what I saw and experienced, and suffice it to say that it's something that is going to be hard for me to forget. As a recovering addict, you have to be honest with yourself enough to be able to admit that a part of you still loves that which you were addicted to, and when you are exposed to it once again, you still feel it every bit as much as you used to. There's aspects of what I saw that I feel compelled to share, even though nobody has asked for any details or even wants to hear about it. I have to wonder if it might be just so I can re-live the experience in some way, or if having the desire to share it is unhealthy in an of itself. Odds are, it is, and I'm OK admitting that.

Anyway, the second half of the story was what I struggled with immediately afterwards. I felt guilt. I wandered if I had intentionally gone into a situation with the intent of exposing myself to what I saw. That was the hardest part, really - trying to convince myself that I hadn't done anything wrong, which is hard to do when you tend to have a guilty conscience anyway. I eventually figured out that while I saw what I saw, it wasn't looking for it, and I honestly figured that the odds of actually seeing it were so low that I was OK to be where I was at and doing what I was doing. If I had known what I found out later, I'd have stayed made a different decision. I was concerned that I'd broken my sobriety, but as I was unable to establish any premeditated or moment of passion intent to seek it out I was OK. Getting ambushed at work, even though clubs are bastions for sexual activity, isn't the same as looking at porn, acting out, or having sex with somebody I'm not married to. Those are "breaking sobriety" values, and I didn't violate them. Now, if didn't leave when I did, I would have had a much more difficult time defending myself, and I'd feel like I'd have to start my count over again. I will have to add a thing or two to my list of "sobriety breakers" - especially this week, as Girls Gone Wild will be paying a visit on Thursday.

Anyway, that was it, I guess. Sorry it wasn't funnier.

Hopefully, this cat will take the pain away.



It's funny how whether nakedness is either funny, appalling or arousing depending on context, huh?

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