I slept for 12 hours last night. I woke up feeling rested.
It. Was. Glorious.
Right now, I'm sitting in an overheated room with a belly stuffed full of pizza, drinking a nice cold glass of ice water. I picked up a 1 liter bottle to full with Spark tomorrow morning when we go to Advocare to pick up some orders (and get me my own bucket of Spark.) If any of you guys want a sample of this stuff let me or Toni know. You'll feel great afterwards - this I promise you.
On a completely different rack, I know two couples that are going through a divorce now. In both instances, the wife left. One family had kids, the other didn't. In both instances, I think the woman's hearts had turned to stone where their husband was concerned. This isn't to excuse anything the husbands may have done to contribute to the demise of their marriages in any way, it's just what I've observed. Some folks were talking about this at dinner a while back, and the consensus seemed to be that when the guy left, there was probably still some hope, but when the girl left, it seems that it's over. I think that generally, a woman's heart can take a lot more neglect than a man's over a long period of time, but when she's reached her threshold of what she can take, she can take no more, and all that love she used to hold in her heart becomes bitter poison. I also think that once a woman's heart has turned to stone (or poison) where a man is concerned, it often takes a miracle from God to soften it again, which is why you rarely see it, and in my opinion why often their next relationship still has some of the same problems the prior one did. To be fair, it happens with guys, too. I'm not trying to be critical, I'm just sayin'.
Growing up, it seemed that when divorce was talked about, it was always the man that ran off with somebody. In the seven instances I've seen in my personal live, it's been the woman that left in every case but two. In only one case, the guy just flat-out left his wife and kid.
Anyway, I don't know what any of that means, if anything, nor do I really have a point. Just making observations, I guess. I hate to see it every time, as nobody really wins in a divorce - everybody loses. I think that the only time there;'s a clear winner is when both parties decide to put in 100% until their relationship is back on a mutually healthy, mutually respectful, mutually honest and equally-yoked track, and then keep on putting in 100% ad infinitum. In those very rare cases, everybody wins, though it's a one hell of a hard road to take.
Oh - and I almost bought Toni a laser sight to use on Dad's .45, but I figured I could find a better use for $30, at least for a while. Yay - restraint.
Nothing on my mind besides that, I guess. I'm gonna do a bit of work & spend the rest of the night relaxing before I climb into bed early (for me) and go to sleep again.
See you guys tomorrow.
675 (cause it's still Monday)
8 comments:
I think it's true that a woman can take a lot of neglect before she's done. I know that personally I took a lot the first time; my threshold for it the second time was a lot less. I just got where I couldn't stand the sight of the man or what he stood for. I saw him trying; but my ability to believe that he was trying for the right reasons might very well have been jaded, b/c I don't think people change. And I'm tired of hearing about how God can change them. They are who they are. Maybe that's cynical. Maybe it's not. I do know, that now I'm with someone who has the same level of love/respect/appreciation and support for me as I do for them, that it's working really well. And I'm a happy(er) person.
I think that too often we think that the person we choose to be with makes us happy. And then when they let us down, we don't know what to do about it. When the reality of it is, that we have to be FIRST happy on our own. The person we choose to be with, should add to our happiness. Not the other way around.
Rest assured I wasn't talking about you specifically.
And I'm tired of hearing about how God can change them. They are who they are.
That is unfortunate. God can, will and does change people's hearts, but ONLY if the people conciously choose to let God do His work, and are willing to do whatever it takes to let Him finish the job, which usually involves a lot of changes they generally don't want to make. He will never - ever- do it for you, without you, or in spite of you. I've seen it work too many times to believe otherwise, including my own experience.
Good comment Ian, We see spiritual maturation in you. That is good.
Love you
Dad
The thing is, I haven't seen people change. And I get that God doesn't knock you upside the head and say,
"you, you must change now"; I understand that it is in the heart, but people have to want to change their hearts and I think that's a hard thing for people to grasp, and it's even harder for them to want to do.
The thing is, I haven't seen people change.
Ahhh...so if YOU haven't seen it it must not be true? :-P
....people have to want to change their hearts and I think that's a hard thing for people to grasp, and it's even harder for them to want to do.
Truer words have not been spoken, litttle sister.
A) They must want to change
B) They must be willing to change
C) They must be willing to do their part
This is why it's so very, very difficult. It it were easy, everybody would do it.
And if it were possible, we'd be do it for them in many cases. I know I would have, and God knows I still try to anyway.
If I may chime in...
'The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?'(Jer. 17:9)
and
'Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.' (Rom 12:2)
I believe if you go to God to change someone, you need to take Him at His word. Its not the heart that needs to change, its the mind. A marriage is not always sunshine and roses and that happy-go-lucky feeling. When Ian and I had our arguments in the past (and sometimes now) I never just absentmindedly shrugged and thought, 'well, I love him anyway no matter.' No, we made hard-pressed decisions to stay together. Isn't that why people make vows during the wedding ceremony? It takes two people to make or break a relationship. Both have to decide to work on it, both have to adjust their thinking everyday. One of the relationships Ian wrote about included a close relative of mine who decided they did not want to try anymore, they were 'just out of love', they accused the other party of making them miserable, and so on. Do you see the point here?
The other person cannot make them miserable. They decided on their own to be miserable -hence,we are responsible for our own feelings. The decision to leave and not try anymore was made with their mind, just as it could have been made to persevere.
I once told Ian I decided to love him through things because I loved a good challenge. Trust me, I did not 'fall in love' with him throughout all of the crap we have been through. I decided to stand by him, be a friend, and made promises I will keep. The love I have for him developed more over time through respect. The heart follows the mind. It is a very strange concept. God shows us, even today.
Yes, I have seen change in the most unlikely of people- but they had to make the decision (make their mind up per say) to choose a path and to stick with it.
Toni, you are amazing. Ian is so very fortunate to have you as his wife and you are both fortunate because you have each other.
There is a movie coming out (may be out already) called "Dear John" I read the book here and it is a "true love story" It is a great "date night" movie. I hope you'll can go see it.
Hope there is no ice with this cold.
I am a firm believer in the fact that people can change...our marriage, divorce and subsequent remarriage is a prime example of that. There were countless times the first time around that we had so many difficulties that we could barely stand to look at each other. With a child with severe health problems, not really starting off in a perfect circumstance and working split shifts for years that resulted in us only seeing each other for 6 hours or so per week it almost feels as though it was doomed from the beginning.
The first time I married Tim, it was not necessarily because I felt all these mushy lovey-dovey feelings, but out of obedience to God. I KNEW without a shadow of a doubt that it was God's will that we be married. But then choices and free will come into play and we both were stuck in a terrible cycle that we both could not free ourselves from. So we made the very difficult decision to separate and one year after the separation to divorce.
And then it happened....God worked wonders and softened both of our hearts AT THE SAME TIME...and 10 months after our divorce was finalized we remarried. Not to say that everything is sunshine and roses and that we have the "perfect" relationship, but for the first time in my life I had a partner that I could "do" life with, someone that I could imagine growing old and grey with, someone that I absolutely could not live without.
Toni...I agree with you 100%...love is so much more a CHOICE than a FEELING. Sure there are times that my heart skips a beat when my husband enters the room, but there are also times when I pray that the Lord would soften my heart, allow me to see past his imperfections and love him for who God made (and is making) him to be.
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