What I Think About Being Gay - Part I

OK - let's get started.

First off, there's a lot that we have to admit that we don't know. We can speculate. We can hypothesize. We can guess. We can think we're pretty sure, but we don't know.

But before that, let's define some stuff, OK?

I'm going to use the term "gay" because the word "homosexual" (while technically correct) seems to get folks all riled up. And, culturally, "gay" is a generally accepted term, whereas "homosexual" tends to lead itself to sounding more "thou shalt not" that I intend to here. Make sense?

I think we all know gays engage in homosexual behavior - that's not really much of a secret, is it? That's sort of what makes them gay in the first place, I think.

OK - now that that's out of the way......

First off, what do I think "being gay" means?

I think it means that you are, deliberately and intentionally, engaged in sexual acts with a member of the same sex, and have made the conscious decision that you intend to continue seeking to engage in this behavior. Make sense?

I don't think a childhood tryst with somebody of the same sex makes you gay.

I don't think engaging in experimental sexual behavior with somebody of the same sex makes you gay. (Now, when it goes from experimental to something you do on a regular basis, it is, by it's very nature, no longer experimental. I think once you've made the decision that you've decided that this is where it's at for you, you've "crossed the line" so to speak - make sense?)

I don't think being molested by a member of the same sex makes you gay.

I don't think liking show tunes, wearing boxer briefs, getting your toenails done, having your hair perfectly groomed, being physically fit, owning a poodle, being a member of Cher's fan club or wearing pink makes you gay. Just because you happen to fit into some of the stereotypes doesn't make you gay. I know "Carousel" in it's entirety, and I know more show tunes than any other man I know, and I'm not gay.

I think that actually being gay is defined by your behavior more than anything else, though there are some other factors that come into play that tend to make it a gray area.

And I also there's room for debate as to whether or not you're actually gay if you think members of the same sex look really good to do but you don't act on it, instead choosing to remain celibate. Does that make you gay?

I think here you have to apply the same rule that God uses for us straight folks.

Temptation is not sin, guys.
Wanting to have sex is not a sin.
The urge to have sex is not a sin.
The need to have sex is not a sin.

And is sex necessary to sustain one's own life? No, not really, though it sure feels like it sometimes.

Rats - I have to digress here; this is a whole 'nother rabbit trail I'll have to get back to in a few days. I'll talk about it, though, I promise. this is gonna end up with what I Think God Thinks about Being Gay, and I'd sure like to end up there instead of getting there right off the bat.

So - back on track, I guess.

I think I have the right to talk about this a little (and have a shred of credibility) as I really do have a few gay friends. I love 'em - we've been through a lot together and I wouldn't trade those relationships for the world. I've had at least two ex-girlfriends decide that they were gay and even go so far as to get married, from what I understand. Back in 1995 or so, I was still talking to one of them when she was deciding that she might be gay after all. It was terribly difficult for her, too, and I didn't know how to handle it. I also had a really good friend of mine from high school come out of the closet his freshman year of college, and I didn't know how to handle that, either. I felt bad, because I really was good friends with him, too.

And yes - his name was Lance, and he played the flute. Fine....just make your own joke and get it out of your system. And yes - the boy was a sharp dresser and loved Madonna. If you're going to play the stereotypes, I should have seen that one coming.

Anyway, all of that to say this: nobody knows quite why anybody end up gay 100% of the time. I've also never met a single gay person that will tell you that it was their choice, either. I don't think anybody wants to grow up and be gay, but somehow, a lot of 'em know, and pretty early on, too.

I know there's arguments about "Nature versus Nurture", and whether it's a biological factor or conditioning. Truth be told, I kind of lean towards a biological factor, though I think on occasion childhood experiences can contribute.

OK - more on that tomorrow.

I'd put in a cat for these but I don't know of any gay cat pictures. :-(

And you gay folks that read - feel free to chime in, OK? I'll admit I'm talking way out of my element here, which is why I'm being sure to cage this as my opinion and not as fact.

All righty. Back to work.

285