I think I need to back off those who don't blog as often as I'd like 'em to. I've totally slacked this week. I'll catch you guys up the past several days.

Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday: short mini-vacation to check out jobs, property & scenery in Stephenville, Granbury & Glen Rose. I bought a small shovel, a t-shirt and a cowboy hat. Granbury and Glen Rose are nice, but I think they're too far away and I don't think Stephenville is the town for us.

Thursday, Friday & Saturday (AM): Horrific gastroenteritis, which meant grasping the toilet seat for three days to prevent violently lifting off. I gave up trying to use toilet paper and resorted to just showering several times a day. Better diarrhea than vomiting, though.

Saturday (PM): Weakness

Sunday: Church, a delicious lunch with a dear friend & our daughter, and an easy shift at the theater, minus the fact that I had to fire one of my favorite employees. She cried - it was sad.

No bar work all weekend (which was nice), and I missed two days at the theater.

Now that that's all out of the way, here's where I am today.

I realized today that as much wind as I talk about putting all my faith and security in God, if you look at my life I'm putting it all in my finances. I am - I admit it. I realized that my mood, and about 90% of my serenity and a just about all of the happiness I actually feel is directly tied to my bank account, and if it's not where I think it should be, I tend to be miserable, irritable, grouchy, temperamental and not as nice ot my wife as I need to be. It causes me untold stress, anxiety and grief.

This is a sorry, sorry way to live my life. Now....

Is this how GOD wants me to live my life?
Is this God's heart for me?
Is this God's plan for my life?

No - I don't think it is, man. I don't.

So, here's my plan. I'm gonna go back to basics (Step #3) and consciously choose to commit my life and will to Christ's care and control.

Specifically - money, man.

That's it - I'm gonna have to make a conscious choice to turn my money over to God and trust in Him instead of how much money I (may or may not) have.

There was more to today's sermon, too, like about how you can't give your firstfruits because you can't really give what's not yours to begin with and about how you're to give to God first, not after other stuff.

I'm gonna be honest here, man - that part scares the hell out of me. To me, giving to God has always ranked about 4th or 5th as a priority, behind mortgages and electricity and child support and food. It's so easy to rationalize that you need those things, and it's human nature to want to try to get those basic survival things out of the way first, right? But let's face it - that hasn't worked for me, man. The only time it has worked is when I've stepped out in faith and put my money where I've spent so much time saying my faith is. But after a while, I always get scared I'm going not have enough money for something and so I start grabbing it all back again and holding on to every penny and working myself to death and taking time away from my family and my serenity goes to hell. What a fun cycle, huh?

So I'm choosing to break it, one day at a time. I'm gonna try to work it all out here and take it one day at a time, step by step.

So, there's that.

Anyway, I think that's it. I have two Brandon stories this week, too.

746, for Monday