hrm

As of late I'm not sure how much I like blogging. I'm starting to wonder if I lived my life without broadcasting everything I've ever thought or done. There are a few pro's to this:

A) no unsolicited criticism
B) no stress resulting from unsolicited criticism
C) not having to listen to folks talk about the unsolicited criticism

I suppose part of the bad taste in my mouth is a result of feeling like when I talk I'm getting feedback I don't like, and don't really have to put myself into a position to hear. Truthfully, it'd be easy to just shut off the comments for this, which is an awful temptation lately. I have to confess that I think I'd like to make whatever decisions I'd like to make without having to hear about what others think of them from time to time. I think part of it is that I think part of being an adult is that eventually, you're only accountable to yourself, and few others that you select as having the right to hold you accountable based on your relationship with them. I think there's a source of irritation in folks trying to hold you accountable when it's not their place of their business, especially when it doesn't have any tangible effect on them whatsoever.

I know I've made comments like this before, especially concerning money. It's very, very easy for somebody else to tell you that you are only to spend money on the bare necessities when you're badly in debt, and not to indulge yourself in any "luxury" items or anything special for yourself. And, to an extent, I agree. If I were out racking up thousands or dollars in credit card debt or driving a car I can't afford or spending every penny eating out at nice restaurants every night, I'd agree. But if among the money I'm spending on keeping us afloat and get us out of debt I want to drop a few bucks on myself, my wife, or my kid - or- to try to build my credit back up I don't want to hear about it.

In a way, I feel like a guy who eats cookies before dinner because he wants to and because he can, and he knows that if he ruins his appetite, there will be another appetite later on. (Jerry Seinfeld said something like that - I thought it was funny.)

I also feel like I've been putting a lot of pressure on myself to be financially responsible for a long time, and if I want to enjoy my life a little I don't want to hear about it because somebody doesn't agree with it. Seriously - I'm 37, man.

I mean, don't most people just live their lives in basic anonymity and relative obscurity and really, nobody knows 99% of what really goes on except for them, their spouse, and maybe their kids? Hell - I have no idea whatsoever about what's going on in the lives of most of you guys, and only a slight to fair idea about what's going on in the lives of my fairly close friends.

And this is all unrelated to my recovery stuff, too. That's going fine - no worries there. One of the things that keeps me spooked is that I know that if I fell off the wagon now, it'd be really bad, and don't want to lose 768 days, man. It's not worth it, and I don't want to have to go back to my accountability brothers and tell them I fell off the wagon. and let's face it, generally when I fall off, I hit the ground hard enough to form a crater. No thanks.

On another note, I would like to point out that we went to Razoo's and left happy. Razoo's has never disappointed me, and I salute them for it.

For the last week or so, I've been trying to avoid french fries. I've only eaten them three times in the past week. I'm cutting way down on sodas, too. I'm trying to drop some weight and eating crap all the time isn't going to help.

OK - that's it. I feel like this was kind of disjointed, but I'm getting rusty at writing, and I'm not practicing every day like I used to. I don't know if that's good or bad, I guess, but right now I kind of like it.

Tomorrow I think I'm going to write about jet packs. I guess.

768 for Monday.