Since Advocare has done such a spectacuar job of improving my health by helping me shed a good 20 lbs of fat, toning my muscles and boosting my energy level to levels I haven't seen in 20 years, I feel it only fitting to provide an epitaph to the unhealthy foods Advocare has summarily ruined from me. With the onset of vastly superior nutrition, my tastes have changed profoundly, and cetain, less healthy foods have assumed an air of unpleasantness. I'd complain, but I feel so good I just don't care.
So, without further ado....
Foods I Can't Eat Anymore
Sodas (Cokes, Dr. Pepper....you guys had a good, carmel-colored, syrupy run.)
Taco Cabana Queso (Now unpleseant - quite a surprise, actually)
Williams / Church's / Popeye's / KFC Fried Chicken (Too. Much. Grease.)
Dreyers Slow Churned Ice Cream (Bluebell & Bluebunny joined you, too - don't feel bad.)
Kraft Macaroni and Cheese (a staple of Americana bites the processed, yellow dust)
Campbells Condensed Soup (enough sodium to run a streetlamp)
Lasagna (wholesale ruined, man)
Croissant Rolls (triple-bleached, processed gelatinous goo)
McDonalds
Burger King
Wendy's
Arby's
Taco Bell
And now, to be fair.......
Foods I Like to Eat (that I previously did not)
steamed broccoli
dark green salads
grilled chicken
baked fish
Subway
And, to conclude.....
Foods That Have Mysteriously Managed to Escape Unaffected
Anything I cook
Freebirds
El Chico
Taco Cabana (sans queso)
Hard 8 BBQ
I haven't been to Babe's in several months, but I am not afraid; yea tho' I walk in the shadow of the valley of cholesterol, I know that God loves me, and He wouldn't punish me like that, especially not when he provided Fibo-Trim to help take away the unpleasantness.
Anyway, I was telling a friend about Advocare tonight, and I thought I'd expound on it here. The cable TV is gone, so I need to fill the time with something.
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3 comments:
Yeah, we generally eat a lot less processed stuff since moving to Guatemala. I also can't eat but about 8-10oz anymore. The eating of 2lbs of sirloin washed down with a quart of Promised Land are gone. But I sure enjoy it in smaller portions!
I still love McDonalds and Taco Bell. I know it's horrible for me, I just like it once in awhile.
I am impressed you are eating green things. Broccoli is a family favorite. Steamed with a little butter and garlic.
I am also happy to see you still like El Chico and BBQ. Even Advocare can't cleanse the Texan out of you. :P
Why did Lasagna make the NO list?
Broccoli?? Green salad??? Who are you and where is my son?? Just kidding. Can't be anything but good news.
This is hilarious. And I loved reading the way you put it!
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