OK - I (finally) have a few.....

Well, I think I said about everything I had to say about being gay, except I haven't touched on Gay Marriage, which I think was what started this whole thing in the first place.

First off, I have zero problem with gay folks getting married if that's what they've chosen to do. If two gay folks decide that they love each other and they want to spend the rest of their lives in a monogamous with each other, I'm fine with that. I also think they ought to be eligible to all the same civil & legal rights hetro couples are entitled to by virtue of the status of their martial relationship.

I think the only gripe I have is that I think the legal definition of the word marriage means the coming together of a man and a woman. Personally, I don't know why the gay folks would want to use a word that meant that. I would think that the folks fighting for Gay Marriages would want to call it a Gay Marriage, and not just a regular marriage - does that make sense?

I guess my only point here is that I think you can't change what words mean, ya know? Words mean things. Red means red. Up means up. If marriage means man and woman, then you need to modify it somewhat to make it mean something different. It's not a shot at gays whatsoever, just a disagreement with syntax.

What I mean is this: if you call it a gay marriage then you eliminate the problem with changing what the words means by adding the word gay in front of it. I don't think that takes away from it at all - it just makes it more accurate. I suppose my issue with it is more of a grammatical one than anything.

I hope that makes sense.

NOW.....

On Sunday night I had the parent of a kid I owe payroll to give me a call. No problem there, man. I owe their kid money, and I'm sure the parent wants their kid to have it. I have no beef with that whatsoever, and I'd have done the exact same thing if I was in this parent's shoes. I have no problem with anything said parent did.

I did, however, have a gripe when the parent said the following statement to me. I shall paraphrase:

"As a Christian Business Person, we held to a higher standard. When you don't pay your people, it really damages your testimony. I understand having cash flow problems, but you really have to pay your employees first. You should put your customers first, your employees second, and yourself last."

I respectfully disagree on a few points. I'd like to offer a rebuttal.

First, you have never, ever spoken to me a day in your life. I doubt you could pick me out of a lineup. We are not friends. We are not associates. You're not my father, my boss, or any kind of mentor. You have no authority to "counsel" me, sport. We don't have that kind of relationship. And I know that you'll use that verse in the Bible about how Scripture is good for rebuking, but I think you have to know the person well enough to be able to have this kind conversation with them.

I'm 36. Don't talk to me like I'm a kid, and you damn sure ought not to talk to me like I'm your kid or some teenager in a a Bible study group you lead, because that's how you sounded. I'm a bright guy, too. I can read and ride a bike and tie my own shoes and everything.

Don't tell me you understand having the problems I have, unless you've walked in my shoes and gone through the same shit, step by step. Lose your wife, lose your house, be in real danger of losing your cars, your visitation with your kid, going to jail, and being homeless and then tell me that you understand. Oh - and it would help if you were a recovering addict, too.

Don't tell me how I should spend my money. On a daily basis, I have to choose where to spend my money. My choices are the following:

I - Food, so I can eat.
II - Shelter, so I have a place to live.
III - Child Support, so:

A) I don't get my daughter yanked away from me
B) I don't go to jail, where I can't generate income

IV - Car, so I can get to work, and therefore keep generating income, so I can actually pay the money I owe.

See, if I put everybody else in front of me, I lose my apartment (as I've already lost my house), access to my daughter, my freedom and my livelihood.

But by God, my contractors would have gotten paid because that's what a good Christian does. Never mind that the job they had is gone because the company is gone because the owner is gone, though. Those are simply small details a good Christian shouldn't sweat, apparently. Hell - Paul wrote his best stuff in jail, right?

Occasionally, I get to pay a bill I owe, but that's only after I pay payroll. I have never, ever stiffed anybody on labor. Everybody that's ever worked for me has gotten paid every penny they have coming. Sometimes it takes a while, and they know this before they ever start. Know why it takes a while? Because I, and thereby the business, is just barely surviving. Understand that, sport. There's a difference between struggling and surviving, man. Right now I'm working on the latter. Try checking out Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs and see where paying your contractors fits in. I'm running on just the basics here, man, and let me assure you I didn't take a vacation and sip daiquiris on the beach with your kids money.

By the way - your kid knew the risks, man. We had a long talk about this before they even started. And perhaps it might be a good lesson to let your kid deal with it instead of you swooping in to rescue your kid. I think by the time they're 18 or so they ought to be able to start dealing with their own problems, and learn to start hearing "no - not now" a little bit. It's a good lesson, too. Hell - even God tells us "no" sometimes.

And don't ever assume that you know were anybody is in their spiritual walk, either, man. It comes across as very ivory tower, and really condescending, which I personally don't like.

Now - did I say any of this? No. There's no point, man. Cast not your pearls before swine, right? I know the drill. I know the type. There's no point because I'm not going to change the parent's mind one whit, and I'm not going to waste my time trying. I simply agreed subserviently and respectfully with the parent and went along with it and yessir'd my way out of it. And the kid will get paid when I get the money, which oughta be any day now, and just in time for Christmas, too.

And I'll freely admit it hurt my ego and my pride, and it made me really angry. And I know I have anger problems and all of that, and it I'm still a little bent at the kid for getting on me for paying for a wedding when I owed the kid money. And ironically, I spent less on the wedding then what I owe the kid. And if you're hurting for money that bad, go get another job. I damn sure did. And I'm looking forward to paying two of my contractors off and making sure they know they can never, ever work for me again before I 1098 them. I think a very small, very bitter part of me is going to enjoy that.

Ugh - I was hoping to feel better after I wrote this, but I don't. I was hoping that a good vent would cheer me up, but it didn't. I guess it was just one more kick when I'm already down, and I feel like I got kicked by somebody that doesn't know me at all and who apparently think they're in a position to deliver what feels like just another kick at me in the name of Jesus under the guise of "rebuking me in love" when Jesus already knows I'm trying.

Aw, fuck it. Tomorrow is another day. Back to work.

290

PS: I'm bitter. I'm grouchy. I want to play the victim and bitch about how rough everything is and enjoy the view from this cross I've erected on top of my high horse. I freely admit it. I'll work on it, along with payroll and all my other bills.