Notes from the Journey to the Center of the Earth

Because once you've hit rock bottom, you might as well start digging.



Well, here's where I stand today. I'm a little tired from moving and working, so bear with me.

We got all moved out of the apartment, patched all the nail holes, scrubbed, dusted, cleaned, vacuumed and sanitized. We've been moving and cleaning since the 25th, but all we have is one more van load to clear out and we're all done moving. We got popped for about $2400, which I hate to see but can do nothing about, other than pay it. I repented getting a third floor apartment this weekend, too. I think everybody did.

We're moved into my folks house, which is to say that we've unpacked approximately 10% of our stuff. So far we're just getting by on our personal sundries and whatnot, but it's all we need. I think we'll wait until they depart before we fully invade. The cats are loving it, though.

The car repo situation is not looking too good. If I don't get $1000 in the next 18 hrs I'll lose the car for good, and I'll be saddled with (at least) another $12K of negative equity, which I can't afford. I might get paid around $300 - $600 by tomorrow, but I won't know until about 10 AM or so - three hours before the deadline. We'll see what happens.

I got an added (an unexpected) stressor over Christmas that I can't go into here, but suffice it to say sometimes the fact that something still bothers you can often be worse than the thing itself, especially when there's no logical reason you can apply other than it hits you in a deep way that can only be identified by a professional. Certainly, I'm out of answers on that one. I suppose it's sort of like a recovering drug addict getting a call from his old dealer in a weird sort of way, but that's all I can say about that.

I have five nights of bouncing ahead of me. The commute after the move is pretty crummy now, but the steady checks - small as they are - sure are nice.

The office phone is shut off - again. Not only is that terrible for business, it's terribly embarrassing professionally.

Code Name Diamond is becoming an exemplary little chess player. I played her full-on, no holds barred, and she ruined three solid attack plans, took almost all my pawns, my kings knight, my kings bishop and both my rooks before I finally got her. Either I'm not that good or she is that good. Either way, I'm really proud of her.

I had a great Christmas with my family. I got some wonderful gifts from my family, and our kiddo had a good one, too.

My wife and I are looking for new jobs - we'll see what happens, I guess, which brings me to where I wanted to go today.

On Sunday our pastor taught on Gideon. The short version is this - God used a man with little (in his own eyes) to offer, with not a whole lot of faith, in a bad situation, who kept getting bad news (then worse news) time after time - until God worked His will and accomplished the impossible - 300 untrained men routing out 135,000 soldiers using only horns, lanterns sticks, and clay pots. He even used Gideon's imperfections (and lack of of faith).

The main point of the message was this:

The Impossible becomes the Unstoppable when God is behind it.

That gave me hope, which was something I needed, and still need.

Here's the thing, man. I don't know what God is doing. So far this year I've lost my house, my apartment, my car, and a lot of sleep. I'm still drowning in debt and I just can't foresee a way out of it anytime soon. Bankruptcy is looking more and more likely, and I just don't see what God is doing behind the scenes with me, but I guess I don't have to. I know He's there, and I know He's working, and what I think seems to be bad news is still a part of His plan, and not necessarily mine.

It does seem that God needed us to help my folks out by living in their home while they do His work in Haiti more than He needed us to have a place to live of our own. He may need us to not have a second car and for me to be in further debt or declare bankruptcy for some reason only He knows of. Me personally - I have no idea, but I'm willing to do whatever I can and to work as hard as I can to help myself and my family out in the meantime. Sitting around and not doing something isn't an option.

Anyway, that's where I am today. I oughta be back blogging on a daily basis now. See you guys tomorrow.

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