The past few days I've found myself discouraged, as one of my jobs isn't generating the income I need and the other isn't expanding as fast as I want it to. I know that's my problem, because I have an expectation that I'm seeking to achieve, and when I don't make it I get frustrated. Toni says that we're about where we're supposed to be, but I want to be about 6 months ahead right now.

I feel like I'm struggling with getting as many folks to see what *I* see, too; I think that's why (more than anything) I do Advocare - it's not about the money; it's really not. It's about helping people get healthy so that they can enjoy their lives more, feel better, feel more energetic, or lose weight so that can live longer or have a better quality of life. To me, the opportunity to have a real impact on somebody else's life in a real, tangible way - that's a positive impact - is more of a drive than the money. I mean, I feel more passionate about Advocare than I ever was about being a cop. Oftentimes, I have to force myself to shut up about it because I know a lot of folks get tired of hearing about it, even though I never tire of talking about it. I feel like everybody needs to know what I know, and feel as great as I feel. I mean, why wouldn't everybody want to feel this way?

But back to feeling discouraged - I'm together enough to admit it. I'm not going to stay discouraged, but I'll admit I wish I was making more money a lot faster. I guess I just needed to hear myself say it. Admitting it's where I am is the first step to defeating it, and tomorrow I'm gonna go out and continue to share the vision, man.

I goofed up today & called our dog by my ex-girlfriend's dog's name. I knew I was going to do it eventually, but I'm glad I got it out of the way. I've been obsessing about not doing it since we got Scout. It's sort of like that episode of "Friends" where Ross mistakenly calls Emily (his fiancee) "Rachel" on their wedding day. Ever since I saw that episode that's been a terror of mine. When I got married to my first wife, I was terrified I was going to call her by the wrong name during the ceremony; ditto Toni. I know it's silly & irrational, but it's something that's always followed me around. Any of you guys every drop the wrong name at an inconvenient moment? I've never done it in the throes of passion or anything, but I've done it in other stressful circumstances. It never helps.

Toni and I are looking at another set of housing options, just to check it out. More on that if anything develops. If.

I've been debating selling a few things to get some extra money. I'm willing to do it if it'll be of any real long-term benefit, but if it's only a temporary fix and I'm going to find myself in the same situation in another month I'm not sure if I can justify it. I'm not interested in losing stuff for nothing; I lost a good SKS, a great Mini-14 and a pretty decent Charles Daly .45 that way, no to mention my Phantom.

On that note, we were recently told that there's a difference between being broke and being poor. Being broke is a temporary situation, being poor is a permanent mindset. Now, I'll cop to saying that we're poor for a very long time, but I'm breaking that curse and speaking out against that poverty. We are not poor - we are blessed, fortunate and free. We're also broke, but we're not poor, and we won't be broke forever. I don't think that God has it in store for us to be poor. Also, since 1988, even if I was poor, I don't have to be poor anymore. (Jeeeeeeeeeesus is here.)

See it here:

On a wildly different subject, there's a commercial on TV for toilet paper where a little red bear has bits & pieces of toilet paper stuck to his butt. That commercial horrifies me to no end. I don't like the idea of shreds of toilet paper on anybody's behind. Ewwwwwwwwww.....

AND...

they run a lot of these "get your criminal justice career started" at ________ college commercials. Those irritate me to no end - those are some seriously misleading ads, man. They show guys in unarmed security guard uniforms. I've done that, man - you're looking at slightly above minimum wage. And real law enforcement jobs require training that those colleges don't even offer. They're misleading, dishonest, and predatory. Not cool, generic colleges. Not cool.

To conclude, I have beans soaking on the stove for tomorrow, and a nice bag of brown rice. I can't imagine it tastes that different from regular white rice, and it's supposed to be better for you. I'll find out tomorrow, huh? I'm gonna mix 'em with some pinto beans for dinner - it's gonna be delicious. I hope.

Ok - that's it.

983 for Tuesday