I discovered that I can now blog from the bathroom since this is a wireless netbook. This is cool because I can do something useful while I'm in here and also appalling, as now you guys will never know what I'm doing anymore. And yes - I am.
Tonight we went to Mooyah's, which was delicious, albeit more expensive than I would have liked. The upside is that now we know we can order much less food next time and still get plenty to eat. I would also like to shamelessly plug Fuzzy's Tacos as well, because it's also wildly delicious and not too expensive.
Anyway, when we were done eating we were going to head to the local hospital to visit a buddy of ours who's temporarily a guest there. When we went to leave, our battery was too low to start the car. Dangit. So we called somebody local - a family member & blood relative - to come and give us a jump. (We left the cables at home because before we left the house we had let the engine run for a good 30 minutes to charge up - unfortunately, it didn't take.)
Oh. My. GAWD. You'd have thought we'd have asked them for a kidney, or maybe a lung. No - you'd have thought that we demanded a kidney or a lung. To our way of thinking, it was a simple request for assistance from somebody close by. Total time it would have taken? 15 minutes, maybe 20.
First they said they didn't know where Main Street was. It's hard to find, I know.
Then they said they didn't have cables. (They do.)
Then they swore.
Then they said they'd have to find their shoes.
Then they said they'd head that way, ostensibly once they had the proper footgear.
We said thank you and hung up, a bit taken aback at their reaction. After about two minutes though, we decided to call them back and cancel the request for assistance. Seriously - if you're this unhappy about helping, we don't want your help. Instead, we opted for a nice, 45-minute stroll back to the house. It was delightful for a variety of reasons:
A) It was nice out
B) We've been walking more anyway, and it's good exercise
C) We kept our pride.
Here's what I mean by that:
When somebody asks you for help in whatever way, your reaction generally tells quite a bit about where they rank with you. If you are quick to offer assistance and make an effort to go the extra mile, the relationship is affirmed and generally strengthened. if you bitch, moan, carry on and make a production out of it by making sure the person who needs help knows how much they're inconveniencing you and how much you're being put out by them, it serves as a detriment to that relationship because you've essentially belittled them and/or made an effort to heap guilt upon them; either to A) make them feel badly or B) to put yourself into a position where you are either being victimized, martyred or to store this up for use later when YOU want to call in a favor.
Now - it's necessary for me to say that I can say these things because I've done all these things, so I know it when I see it. And Oh - can I spot Dramatics when I see 'em.
Now - all that to say this: Tonight, Toni and I drew a line in the sand, and that line is this - we only have room in our lives for functioning adults, and we no longer have a place in our lives for emotionally unhealthy people who do not want to get healthier. I'm serious - enough is enough.
Man - did it feel good to cast off that weight, too. See - my wife and I have made a fundamental change in our persona and philosophy, and that's this - we are champions. We want everybody else to be champions with us, too. We want everybody to be winners, and God wants you to be a winner, too. But man - if you're determined that you're a loser and that at your core you're OK with being a loser, than I don't think either of us (nor God) can help you until you change your mind, and we no longer have the time, energy, will, interest or desire to waste away our lives trying to get you out of your rut. When you want out of your rut - whatever your rut may be - call us, and we'll go to hell and back with you.
But man - we ain't gonna try to do it for you. So stay in your rut as long as you want, but we're going to keep walking, because God has something great in store up ahead for us, and we want that.
Now that's sad on a variety of levels, and we acknowledge that. But man - even God won't do the work for us. Take one step towards Him and He'll come running the other 99 towards you, but you have to take that one step.
And man - if that's good enough for God it's good enough for us, even if it means we have to walk back.
941 for Monday.
5 comments:
Ian, here is a new number for you. 214-597-0401. I have a big truck and jumper cables and tow line. While I only know you in blog, I know your dad and brother well. While you are the self proclaimed "black sheep in reformation", I have a few of those in my family tree also (a few of my family vote me most likely black sheep). Like you I am self-semi-employed, and can reschedule to help out where needed. Mike McM
You look great son. Proud of you.
Take this for what it's worth, but I would be super careful about drawing lines in the dirt. You don't want to miss out on opportunities to love on people that God has put around you. If you see them as sitting in a rut and not improving themselves (and you believe that you are) then maybe He has put them there for you to be an example to.
Don't get me wrong, I hear what you're saying. You don't want to be drug down by them and all. I get it. But I would suggest that you can love on people that don't love you back.
And since you put it in biblical terms which is great - (regarding your "Christ comes running back the 99 steps" analogy) - I would disagree a bit and say Rom 5:8. Christ volunteered to be beaten, skin flayed off, stabbed, tortured, hung on a cross, and then killed for you and I both while we were yet His enemy. He initiated. He acted first, not us. And He did so not when we were being nice or doing what He wanted. He did it when we were actively warring against Him.
The reason I bring this up is that one of my personal struggles historically is not loving people around me enough - unless they lived up to my stupid "standards". It's a big time heart issue that I would like to mention to try to make sure you don't fall into the trap I did/do. Obviously I'm not saying that you're doing this; I'm just saying that what you said sounds like it could evolve into that at some point.
Good points, man - and I hear and appreciate what YOU'RE saying. It's easy for me to fall in the same trap, 'cause I'm just as prone to it as anybody.
For the record, I still love 'em in the same way that Christ shows love to us (to the best of my ability, bearing in mind that I'm not perfect.) I'm not obliterating them from my life or denying them or walking away from them, and if they call me to jump their car I'll go in a heartbeat and I won't make a peep - I really will.
Mostly what I meant was I'm done investing any more energy in trying to help them when they won't help themselves (in whatever way that sentiment is appropriate).
Let's face it - we only have so much energy, and I'm at the point in my life where I can't afford to waste it.
Also - thanks, Mike.
Post a Comment