Here's my story

I met Mr. & Mrs. P through, of all things, Advocare, which is reason number #407 I'm glad I started in with those people. The entire conversation started with a simple statement from them, and a simple question from me.

Their statement: Dream Big.
My question: What do you do when all your dreams have been crushed, and you don't have any dreams anymore?

I guess it was through this question that I started down the road I'm on today. For most of my life, I had dreams, but one by one they seem to have fallen by the wayside or died off. It's a down, silent, cold place to be - to not expect your life to ever improve, get better, or flourish, and to know that the life you wanted for yourself and your family has passed you by, or will never be. It's a sad place to be, especially when you think you've done all you can, tried your best, believed in God and have nothing to show for it - not one of your dreams has come true. How do you handle that?

So, with tears in my eyes, I asked this of Mrs. P - how do you get free of this?

She started asking me questions, questions like "what are you worth?" I had no answer. She began to dig deeper, asking me why I felt I wasn't worth anything, why I felt as though I didn't deserve anything. I felt as though the life I'm living is the life I deserve, for all the mistakes I've made; for all the terrible things I've done, for all the people I've hurt, for all the ones I've loved that I've let down and failed, for failing God, my family and myself. That's a desolate, isolated, abandoned, hopeless place to be.

Mrs. P began to dig deeper and ask me where I got those ideas from, who's voices were telling me those things. then she began asking me about my faith, and then she began asking me about things that she couldn't possibly know about; things that only the Holy Spirit could have led her to discern. I learned that she was close with a friend of mine from CR; a man I trust and value, a man who is a gifted teacher who has the gift of discernment, a man who can look you in the eyes and know what's in your heart. I went through my 12-step with this man; he was our leader, and we know each other's deepest darkness and brightest lights. I also knew that if this guy was in with these people then I was safe, and that it was God that was putting me on Mrs. P's couch that Saturday morning. I could feel it - not in my heart, but someplace deeper. Mrs. P brought out her Bible and began reading it to me, and I started seeing passages that I never knew were in there. It was around this time that I learned that Mrs P, Mr. P and my friend were actively involved in a deliverance ministry, and I figured I was in the right place.

I was given a book to read, which I did. I measured it against the scripture I knew and decided to believe that perhaps I hadn't been taught everything the Bible had to say at CBC, CTCC or church camp. It was a step for me - a step that was very hard for me to take, but one that I believed was necessary for me to get the healing I knew I wanted, needed, and believed that God wanted for me. It was a good book, in places frightening, in places spooky, in places glorious. It was a humble book - much like something I might have written if I was in the author's shoes, with a lot of "I don't have all the answers - here's my experience, here's what I believe, here's why I believe it, and here's what worked for me" put in. I was given a questionnaire to direct those who would help me get free. It took me a few weeks to work through it all, and when my day came, I went to the home of Mr. & Mrs P. Inside was my friend as well.

Going in I had no expectations of anything out of the ordinary or supernatural; no vomiting pea soup a la "The Exorcist" or levitating, no growling, screaming or thrashing around. I went in calm, clear headed and collected.

We talked for several minutes beforehand, and then we began praying. I prayed for several things, including to help me seek out, reveal and cleanse any areas that I was holding onto where there might be footholds for a demonic presence; unforgiveness, soul ties, anger, bitterness, unconfessed sin, generational sin and the like. I prayed a long time, and I dug as deep as I could. In God's name I renounced generational sin, every soul tie I could think of, all the anger and unforgiveness I had in my heart, bitterness and malice, and a few other things. Then, feeling like I had cleaned my side of the street as much as possible, readied and humbled myself before God, released any and all demonic footholds, revoked any permission for any unclean spirit to remain, accepted Jesus's work at the cross as the final atonement for my sins, I was seated in a chair and they began - in the name of God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, Jehovah, the Alpha and the Omega, the Great I Am, the great healer - to intercede on my behalf and began to cast out and cast off any demonic oppression.

The next 90 minutes to two hours is a bit fuzzy in places. I want to reassure you guys that I'm not making any of this up, nor am I exaggerating or lying, or being dramatic. I will go to my grave with this truth on my lips, or be martyred with it, for it, and with His praise in my heart.

I'm going to say several things here that will sound surprising to many of you; I've not said anything like this before, and I've probably even gone so far as to decry it or call it out as fake, or to chalk it up to the mental power of suggestion, hysteria, or some other form of psychological manipulation. What I experienced was real. I will say, at times, that I "knew" something, or that I saw something, or that I had a vision. I cannot explain any of these things, except to say that it's what I saw in my mind's eye. These things were as clear as day to me; they not only appeared to me visually (though my eyes were closed), but there was a leading that matched the visions I saw. I also heard things, voices, and had thoughts that were not my own. I spoke words that were not my own, and answered questions I had no answer for and that were not directed to me. I do not have words for this, other than my own. I felt things moving, I felt presences leaving; I had the visions that accompanied what I felt, and I had physical manifestations of these presences leaving. I have no words other tn my own, and what I experienced was real. You cannot convince me otherwise because I experienced these things, and they are reality. What I am about to say is real. What they began to call forth was - and still is - very, very real.

When I sat down in the chair I knew what was about to take place, and so did they. When I sat down, they sat on either side of me, and at that moment, my chest tightened up and I couldn't breathe well - it was almost as though a very heavy weight was pressing up against my chest. I had to struggle to catch my breath, and I felt as though I had to force air into my lungs. As they began pray, and then to cast out, my legs began trembling, and then to shake. I quickly got an image of me crouched down in a field of battle, with enemies on one side and mighty warriors on the other; I felt that I should stay crouched, tucked in and in a small ball so that I could stay safe, and let the battle for me rage.

This trembling worked its way across to the right side of my body, where it increased into an intense seizure-like convulsion, limited only to the right side of my body, and most pronounced in my right hand and arm. My body was twisted as though a weight was pressing down on my right shoulder, and what I can only describe a prolonged convulsion began to intensify as they called forth and cast out several unclean spirits, including lust, perversion, masturbation, and several others. This happened to me - this was real. Eventually the trembling stopped, and I felt something slip deep inside me. My friends felt it too, and went after it.

When they began to cast it out, the convulsion resumed violently, and they began to more aggressively and more forcefully to cast to them out, laying hands on me and invoking the name of Jesus. When the spirit began to leave, it came out of my nose. I began to breathe heavily out my nose, and it felt as though something intangible - yet very real - was being forced out of my head. I began what can be best described as a hard, forceful snarling, snorting sound, like an animal trying to dislodge something; a cat with a hairball or a dog choking on a bone. What felt like a great deal of fluid came forth from my nose, and I after what felt like an eternity of choking and the inability to breathe, the desperate trying to clear my nasal passages began to subside, and I felt it leave. There is no other way to say this - I felt it leave. When I regained my sense of presence and clarity, I was hot and sweating from the exertion, though the room was cool. During this time, I felt that I was inside myself, and that my body was in some way dark, black and completely hollow, so that things could be more easily seen and the path cleared. Imagine retreating inside your own mind yet retaining full consciousness of your surroundings - it was a little like that. This was real - this happened to me.

This was not the only spirit to be forced out of me. During the next hour or so, I experienced several spirits leaving my body. This is true. I felt them in my arms, and they would sometimes grow very cold and/or numb, and sometimes they would grow very warm. I could feel them moving in my back and my shoulders, and inside my gut. These weren't muscle spasms or digestion - I could feel movement across my body.

One more thing I experienced was when they cast out the spirit(s)? of lying, deceit and manipulation. I the midst of it, I experienced a choking sensation as the spirit reached my throat, and I began coughing violently. I had a vision my my tongue coated in a translucent white substance like caulk; my tongue felt heavy and thick, and I could feel this coating on it. I drank water, and tried to scrape it off my teeth like peanut butter, but I couldn't rid myself of the sensation. As the deliverance continued, I began trying to spit it out, and I had a vision of it eventually dropping slowly off, as if being pulled by gravity, still caught in a thick viscous layer of a tasteless stickiness. I felt like I needed to vomit, but it was not to be. When I had coughed, hacked, deeply exhaled and gagged enough, I felt the spirit leave, the coating drop off and my tongue was clear and cleaned.

I went through a third "round" where, after yet another larger "boss" spirit had been cast out, I got the sensation that there were many smaller spirits running about in confusion and fear now that their leader had been cast out. These were promptly cast out as well, though they seemed to be more likely to lie, wheedle and criticize when they were directly confronted my my deliverers-by-proxy. After they were all gone (they left through my mouth) I had a sense of peace I have never had before.

I felt light, I felt unencumbered, I felt as though my limbs had been encased in clay, that the light outside was more clear, that God was more real. I heard no voices in my head, no guilt, no condemnation, no dread, no despair. I felt no pull towards old soul ties, no plague or onslaught of memories. The Bible means something to me now. I felt purified, redeemed; I felt like I could have a relationship with God free of interference, I felt Him nearer. I could feel Him. This was real - this happened to me.

This was real, and it still is.

Praise Him, the one and only Father, the Great I Am, the Alpha and the Omega, Jehovah, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, The Holy One, the One who was, and is, and is to come.

899.

Thank you, Jesus!

Epilogue:

I know you guys probably have a lot of questions, and I'll be happy to answer them all as best I can. The Book is called "When Pigs Move In" by Don Dickerman. It's a pretty eye-opening book, one I recommend heartily. Be advised though - once you know, you know, and you may have to do something about it; choosing to live with a problem once you've discovered it just leads to that much more suffering.

Anyway, that's my story. God bless you guys for reading - I know He blesses me.