As far as something I was debating several weeks ago, I think I may have come up with an answer that's satisfactory to me, which - let's face it - is really the only kind of answer I'm interested in. Anyway, to recap, here's the question:
Why do I still struggle with depression when, after having gone through deliverance and having a full knowledge of A) when I'm not thinking clearly B) when I'm being spiritually attacked and C) struggling with depression is clearly not indicative of God's desire for any of us? Or, for that matter, why do so many good, God-fearing people find themselves afflicted with things like.....oh, I don't know.....cancer? Or having their spouses walk out on them (not just mine, either - I can count four folks who didn't have it coming). On an identical line, why does my wife struggle with anxiety despite going through deliverance, counseling, and having the intellectual knowledge to counter the emotional instincts that result from aanxiety attacks?
AND....how come, if our faith in God, in His healing power, in His love, in His Grace, etc - why do we still struggle with this stuff? Or, to put it another way, if our faith in God is strong enough, why aren't we healed from our own emotional wounds, or to follow the logic, our physical ones?
Well, I don't have an answer except for this. Paul prayed three times for Christ to remove a thorn from his flesh, and God didn't do it. The Bible never really says why. The only reason I can think of is to just tell us that we're not alone, and maybe that if Paul had to go through some crappy stuff and God wouldn't take it away from him (thereby forcing Paul to deal with it ad nauseaum) then I guess we're in good company, because Paul ended up doing a lot of good stuff for God once he stopped killing His followers, had an encounter with God, was struck blind, healed & sent out to spread His word.
So I don't know why I still struggle with depression when I've been given all the spiritual tools necessary to defeat it, nor do I know why my wife has the safe fight with anxiety with the same criteria. I don't think that God is punishing us, and I don't think that either of us doesn't believe that God can't heal us in an instant. But no matter how strong your faith is, no matter how close your walk with God it, no mater how deep, intimate and encompassing your walk with God is, this incontrovertible fact remains: God can heal anything, but He doesn't always do it for reasons we will likely never, ever know. And I don't think that says anything negative about our faith, either - I think it just says that, once again, we don't get how God runs the show all the time. So....there's that.
As as aside, Toni and I are working our way through renovating that condo to flip it, and we're trying to save ever penny we can. So far, it's going well. We have lots of "before" pics that we'll post when we're done.
Today I ate KFC and Braums, and I got sick. Too much grease, I guess.
Toni and I are trying to prepare for moving out. We packed up all of our kitchen stuff and are again going through our stuff to see what we can get rid of. The more stuff we get rid of the happier I am.
So lately I've been looking at guns again lately. I'm not going to buy any, but I kind of like looking at 'em. I guess it's kind of like folks who like looking at cars or jewelry or whatever else folks like to look at and think about buying. I think it's a grown-up version of looking at toys in the Sears catalog when you're a kid, or fantasizing about what you'd spend your lottery winnings on. I find it relaxing, and it takes my mind off of being stressed for a while..Apparently, I'd buy guns, and probably some bullets, too. Mossberg has a GREAT new semi-automatic 12 gauge I'm not going to buy.
I think I'm going to make more of an effort to play my trumpet again, as I like it and I miss playing. I think I'd like to pick up a flugelhorn one of these days, too, 'cause they're fun.
And I'm trying to let Toni to let me grow a beard, too, but I'm not sure how well it's going. I might have to shave soon.
Have a cat!
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