Beware.
Recently, the subject came up about how there are certain people that you are know you don't need to be alone with, specifically because part of you really wants to be alone with them, or that you are cognizant of the possibility (or even llikelihood) that you wouldn't have the necessary restraint to maintain the boundaries you'd like to. At the risk of putting too fine a point on it, you wouldn't say "no" even though you know you should.
I know I have people like this, individuals whom I'm keenly aware I wouldn't be able to resist under the right (or, in this case, wrong) circumstances. They have a vibe, magnetism, a draw, an electricity, a super-strong sexual undercurrent of some kind that hits me someplace that truthfully, I don't want to control enough to control. Therefore, I choose to consciously engage in a campaign of maintaining healthy boundaries, if not just outright avoidance, and a vigorous exercise of taking those thoughts captive, because if I don't I'll lose it, either by acting out or worse.
I'm not proud of this, by any means. I like to think I have the self-control enough to restrain myself, but I think that would just be my pride (ego) talking. Truth be told, I'm not that strong, so I simply choose to run away -. I don't know if it's cowardice or wisdom, but I'm going to choose to believe the latter.
Oddly enough, there's really no common denominator between them, other than I'm extremely attracted something about them at a very deep and primal level. I don't know if it's a pheromone they exude, a dysfunction my dysfunction is drawn to, a deep-set physiological stimulus or some other unidentifiable (perhaps subconscious) reason - I only know what I experience in their vicinity or if I let my thoughts wander.
Now, the interesting point I wanted to make was this - it's not just me; and it's not just guys. I know of at least two women who have described this same thing to me - the feeling that they know they'd give it up in heartbeat if the guy came on to them. And these aren't slutty club girls, either - these are demure, modest women who are by no means loose or even remotely promiscuous women; these are Godly, emotionally healthy, centered - and in some cases very happily married ladies who have a real and genuine walk with God. And yet they still experience the same "phenomenon", if that's the right word.
See, I figured it was limited to guys, until (either recently or a few years go) I heard a girl (in a moment of complete honesty) get real enough with me to tell me that she was once standing behind a guy in line and she realized that she knew she's have sex with the guy - and all he would have to do is ask. Now, here's the odd - yet for me, completely identifiable - part: She didn't know him, she'd never seen him before, and she never saw him again - but she still knew, and years later she remembers it. (Oh - she didn't sleep with him, by the way.) She was unable to put her finger on exactly what or why the draw, that attraction existed, yet it was undeniable, powerful and almost overwhelming. Personally, I get it.
Now, part of me wonders if it's a demonic oppression or spirit of lust or something in the spiritual realm that has that kind of effect. Or maybe it's a biochemical olfactory reaction or something - I'll confess I don't really know. I just know it is.
So, this leads me to several questions, and before I go on - the answer is no- there's no way in hell I'm going to identify anybody. And no, I'm not going to further feed my already out-of-control ego and ponder who might have those feelings about me, because A) it doesn't matter, and B) because the number might be really small or non-existent, and I might find out I'm really not as sexy as I think I am. (I refuse to take an IQ test for the very same reason - I think I'm a certain level of smart, and I take a test and it turns out there's undeniable proof that I'm not as smart as I think I am, I'll just be devastated).
So my questions is this - do any of you cats out there experience what I've mentioned here? This will be a test of brutal honesty and retrospection that most of us don't dare to mention, but I have a working theory that I'm not alone in this. I suppose I just want to know is if it happens to any of your folks too, and if it does, is anybody out there open and brave enough to talk about it (behind a curtain of anonymity, of course), or at least acknowledge that a few of us aren't alone?
If any of you choose to answer, PLEASE do it anonymously. I killed the sitemeter so I can't track any responses, and for the record, I didn't try to figure out who anybody who responded on the fortune cookie post was.
Thoughts?
6 comments:
so did nobody read or nobody comment?
:-P
I read. I don't like to comment anonymously so didn't post.
I'm not waving a judgmental finger, but I wonder how helpful it is to dwell on the subject. Ian knows what is best: run away like Joseph from Potiphar's wife. The cause is sin and our desire to fulfill our fallen nature. Demons only tempt us to fulfill what is already there. As the Lord told Cain, sin is crouching at your door, waiting to devour you.
Aside from admitting that we all have within us the seeds of our own destruction and that our flesh is ever more corrupted and capable of any and every act of perversion, I see only danger in discussing it - especially anonymously. Anonymity rarely breeds godliness.
The counsel given us by Paul is: "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."
Seems a better option. At least that's my $0.02.
I see your point - thank you for responding.
The anonymity was designed to offer a safety buffer, not a license to bask in the sin. Occassionally, folks can say what they're struggling with the most deeply when they know they can do so in safety. I suppose that's the recovery program experience in me talking.
I disagree only partially with what you said regarding dwelling on the subject. To my way of thinking, you cannot change or heal what you do not acknowledge.
I think the most complete cure for what ails us in this regard goes beyond simply saying that it's a problem and then choosing not to dwell on it; I think a more thorough solution comes from a full examination of the issue, including the discovery of the underlying emotional and/or psychological root(s) of the problem. I suppose my pendulum of over-discussing this topic is my reaction to the idea of "sweeping it under the rug" - though I very clearly understand that's NOT what you're advocating.
From a personal standpoint, I spent years trying really hard not to think about those things that weren't pleasing to God, and that merely perpetuated the cycle.
Again, I do understand your point about the inherent dangers in posting anonymously and the potential for this to turn into an unhealthy outlet to secretly thrill in the sin - well put.
I would argue one more thing here, and that is that a greater freedom can be found in full disclosure (to the extent that it doesn't harm oneself or others in any way) than in hiding.
My two cents - thank you for having the stuff to post, man.
-Ian
The floor is still open guys. Thoughts?
You know, I agree with you that there is greater freedom in full disclosure, especially in the right context such as CR or a genuine accountability group. I've been apart of such a group where we stripped down all the pretense and laid bare our sins. It was and remains foundational and transformative in my spiritual life. My group of guys wasn't anonymous, however. We brought things out together so that the light of Christ could burn away the darkness.
I didn't mean to imply that hiding is wise - it most certainly isn't. Just that we (again, my $.02) as a culture tend to dwell on crap to the point of reveling in it as opposed to removing a tumor and being disgusted by it and thankful that we, as a Christian community, have the freedom to be real and let the Lord excise the mountains of sin in our lives. And the reality is that those are ugly, dark, scary mountains and are best dealt with in community. The flip side is that people don't deal with it at all which is just as destructive. It's a difficult balance.
I apologize if I stifled things! Really proud of you, Ian and I love you.
No stifling at all, bro. I'm glad your said something. Nobody else did :-)
-Ian
I read (I am really behind on my reading...sorry) and yes the same thoughts happen to me. But thankfully we have a God that is in control and when we give over our "dirty" thoughts to Him they are removed. The hard part is to repent and not do it again.
But you aren't alone.
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