Basically, it goes something like this:
I know God is not a vending machine.
I know God is sovereign.
I know God has a Divine will.
I know God has a Divine plan for my life.
I know God loves me.
I know God has done great things for me.
I know God protects me.
I know His will is not something I can change, manipulate or alter.
I know these things both emotionally & intellectually - no problem there.
My problem is this: If God is not a vending machine, if he is sovereign, with a divine will, a plan for my life, loves me, and whose will cannot be changed, manipulated or altered, then what is the point of praying?
I can't fathom how asking Him for things I want means much; I have a pretty long list of things I wanted but didn't get for one reason or another. I know the Bible says these two things:
A) "You do not receive because you do not ask."
B) "Do not worry, but in everything, with thanksgiving and petition, present your needs, wants, desires, requests, etc. to God...."
But if God already knows what He's going to give us regardless of whether we ask for it or not, what's the point of asking for anything? I feel like He's already made up His mind, so there's no point in asking. What am I going to do - change God's mind?
I get praying for wisdom, discernment, to know His will, and praying for revelation of how I can be a part of it to further His kingdom and His glory, etc - I get that, I really do.
It's things like praying for broken relationships to mend, or for my financial problems to end, or for healing for a loved one or a friend - things I REALLY want - and yet God seems strangely silent, or He just flat-out says "no", which is NOT what I wanted.
So, if we're supposed to pray for what we want - and I mean really want - what's the point of it when you can't go against God's predestinied will for our lives? I don't understand why God asks us to pray for what we want when, clearly, what we want doesn't seem to matter to Him.
And what of when I pray for our basic needs to be met, or something that's clearly within His will, and he says "no"? In what way does that strenghten our faith or bring me closer to Him? Truthfully, I feel like it makes me view Him as more detached, distant & ambivalent to me and my family, and what we want - especially when what we want coincides with our needs, as can be the case on occasion.
(As as aside, I know the difference between a "want" and a "need", so don't bother pointing that out.)
Anyway, the end result for me is that I don't have much faith that my praying to God makes much of a difference. if God is going to do what He's going to do - what's the point of asking, especially if He already knows anyway, and has His own agenda?
Anyway, that's why I pray, but generally without much conviction - instead a I have a vague and general hope that God might throw me a bone, but that it's really unlikely, and I don't want to feel that way. I feel like my prayers are fairly useless, both to me from a practical standpoint as well as a spiritual one, and that they are to God because He sees through my lack of faith about it, and I don't know how to reconcile all of that in a way that I comprehend on both an emotional AND intellectual level that's in any way satisfactory enough for me to have more faith in prayer, and I don't want to feel that way.
And - my therapist seemt to think that my continuing rage problem seems to stem from a core belief of helpless, and that I'm still grieving for several aspects of my divorce. Nothing new to you guys, I'm sure - I just thought I'd keep you guys posted.
Thoughts on the prayer thing?
Have a cat.
3 comments:
I believe you answered your own question in the last paragraph. You show a shortage of feeling that God's love applies to you. Intelectually you get it. But as you know that is not the same as feeling it. As prayer is also about fellowship, keep it up, in His time if you persist.....
It is indeed a mystery. No one understands, really, how it works. Just as a child comes to its father for comfort, so we go to God the same way. The child just relies and trusts its father; it is just a communication between the child and the father. While the child does not understand much, it still draws comfort from this closeness. And the father, in his earthly wisdom, helps the child accordingly.
So does God help his child. True, God does not need this communication with his child, but He craves it. We benefit from this communication (prayer) in many ways - trust, faith, closeness. Just as we desire a closeness with our child, so does God desire a similar closeness. We benefit from all that flows from this closeness.
Still, the whole process is a mystery. And we benefit greatly.
Although we do not understand, the benefits are great indeed.
Prayer is not just only a special time, it is is a process that should be continuous all through the day; just talking to God all the time, just as a kid talks all the time with its earthly father. And kids never shut up!
Just some thoughts
dad
I too have a problem with praying. A year or so ago I heard this sermon about prayer and it talked about the tension there is about praying because of the issues you brought up.
Here are some excerpts from that sermon:
“So is God sovereign over all things or can we move Him by our prayers? Yes. Now the problem is we have a hard time believing both of these to be true and we want to pick one and play it against the other.
So we preach because the means by which God is going to draw men to Himself is through the proclamation and preaching of the Word. The same is true about prayer. So prayer becomes the means by which the purposes of God are accomplished. So in this way, prayer changes things.
Now, there’s seven reasons why you should pray. Prayer shows and exemplifies our dependence on God. Prayer is a simple act of humility. “I cannot; You can. I do not know; You know. . .” Prayer gets us into fellowship with God. God speaks to us through His Holy Spirit and through His Word; we speak to God through prayer. This is called interaction. This is called relationship. In prayer, God allows us to be involved in activities that are eternally important. According to God’s Word, when we pray, we’re involved in something, much, much bigger than ourselves
Prayer is a means of confession…Prayer is a means to fighting sin. You see, prayer is a spirit-driven activity, which means when we’re praying, we’re disconnecting from the sinful fallenness of this world and we’re connecting to what is holy, right and good. And finally, we’re commanded to pray. God has ordained that He would accomplish His purposes through prayer.”
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